Personal Evaluation
1. Did you ever consider how your metabolism affected your past weight loss efforts? If so, how? Sometimes I wondered if I was just born with a crappy metabolism, and then other times, I figured my crappy metabolism was a function of my PCOS. I never figured that severely restricting caloric intake, as well as skipping breakfast, really mattered in the grand scheme of things.
2. Have you ever thought of exercise as a "peacemaker" between you and food? How do you feel about this concept? No, I have never considered exercises as a "peacemaker" between me and my food. I think this is a really interesting concept. Before today, I always considered exercise as essential to weight loss. I wanted to think of it as something that my body needed daily, but I never really clung to that mentality. On that note, this "peacemaker" mentality allows me to see exercise as essential to my overall well-being and functioning.
3. Do you feel you could ever become compulsive or abusive with exercise? If so, how can you guard yourself against it? I'm not sure if I could become compulsive or abusive with exercise. It really hasn't become something I 'love' or 'yearn' to do on a regular basis, I guess I would have to cross that bridge if I ever get there.
4. What kind of balance would you like to achieve between your eating behavior and body size? I would like to have controlled eating habits in general. I'd like to go to someone's house and have a respectable portion of snacks - I would like to have one serving instead of fifty. I would like the controlled way I consume food, to be a reflection of my body size - both being small.
5. What fears do you have today about your ability to maintain that balance? I fear that a lot. I fear that I'm just destined to have an abusive relationship with food and that as soon as I finish PRISM, I'll go back to my horrible ways and lose all self-control and gain the weight back.
6. How can exercise help ease those fears? How does that make you feel? I suppose exercise allows me to make up for bad decisions or not as ideal decisions as I would like to make. It keeps my body processing those things that my body isn't really 'gung ho' to be consuming. I think that exercise makes me feel better about myself in general, and allows me to be more confident in my success...
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
Monday, May 6, 2013
PWLP: Week Eleven - Lesson Four
Personal Evaluation
1. How many times have you felt "full" since you began the program? I don't feel "full" very often, but I have felt overstuffed a few times - those times were days where I cheated and went over on calories or accidentally (or intentionally) ate something that I shouldn't have.
2. Did you ever look at your TRUE YOU mirror or your "right weight" scale when you felt "full"? Was your attitude different than other times you looked at the mirror or scale? If so, how? No, I haven't done that.
3. When you get up from a meal and you are not quite "satisfied," how do you feel? How does your feeling differ when you get up from a meal feeling "full"? When I leave a meal feeling satisfied, I feel disappointed. I feel like I'm getting jipped out of a good experience - everyone else gets to eat as much as they want, and they all seem to be happy afterwards, but I stopped early and was restricted in the foods I ate, and I just feel "okay." Later, however, when everyone's sitting around moaning about how they ate too much, I feel happy because I know that I did the right thing, even if it wasn't easy or didn't feel "right" in the moment. When I leave a meal feeling "full," I feel like I overindulged. I feel heavy and gross, and I feel disappointed and frustrated in myself for eating more than I should have, or needed.
1. How many times have you felt "full" since you began the program? I don't feel "full" very often, but I have felt overstuffed a few times - those times were days where I cheated and went over on calories or accidentally (or intentionally) ate something that I shouldn't have.
2. Did you ever look at your TRUE YOU mirror or your "right weight" scale when you felt "full"? Was your attitude different than other times you looked at the mirror or scale? If so, how? No, I haven't done that.
3. When you get up from a meal and you are not quite "satisfied," how do you feel? How does your feeling differ when you get up from a meal feeling "full"? When I leave a meal feeling satisfied, I feel disappointed. I feel like I'm getting jipped out of a good experience - everyone else gets to eat as much as they want, and they all seem to be happy afterwards, but I stopped early and was restricted in the foods I ate, and I just feel "okay." Later, however, when everyone's sitting around moaning about how they ate too much, I feel happy because I know that I did the right thing, even if it wasn't easy or didn't feel "right" in the moment. When I leave a meal feeling "full," I feel like I overindulged. I feel heavy and gross, and I feel disappointed and frustrated in myself for eating more than I should have, or needed.
PWLP: Week Eleven - Lesson Three
Personal Evaluation
1. What experiences have been most helpful to you in developing attitudes for lifetime freedom from unhealthy eating behaviors? Having a list of "bad foods" has really helped me maintain this lifestyle and see how my life can be without eating added sugars and refined flours. Additionally, calorie counting and food journalling has really freed me to understand food and my cravings as well as allowing me to understand what I eat and how I feel after I eat it.
2. Do you still feel unsure of your ability to be free? What causes you to doubt your ability to succeed? I'm worried about the strength of my addiction to foods, as well as my lack of self control. I don't want to fall into these patterns again and I worry that once I'm outside of the program guidelines, that I won't be able to maintain this lifestyle and I'll fall back into the easiness that unhealthy eating brings.
3. What positive attitudes can you develop to replace your doubts and insecurities? I can adopt the mentality that I am a confident and successful person. I'm not going to come all this way only to throw it away for my old habits. This is a lifestyle I will maintain because it's working for me and because I enjoy it. I don't need to worry about going back to my old ways, because I've created new attitudes and behaviors that support my new lifestyle. There is no turning back.
1. What experiences have been most helpful to you in developing attitudes for lifetime freedom from unhealthy eating behaviors? Having a list of "bad foods" has really helped me maintain this lifestyle and see how my life can be without eating added sugars and refined flours. Additionally, calorie counting and food journalling has really freed me to understand food and my cravings as well as allowing me to understand what I eat and how I feel after I eat it.
2. Do you still feel unsure of your ability to be free? What causes you to doubt your ability to succeed? I'm worried about the strength of my addiction to foods, as well as my lack of self control. I don't want to fall into these patterns again and I worry that once I'm outside of the program guidelines, that I won't be able to maintain this lifestyle and I'll fall back into the easiness that unhealthy eating brings.
3. What positive attitudes can you develop to replace your doubts and insecurities? I can adopt the mentality that I am a confident and successful person. I'm not going to come all this way only to throw it away for my old habits. This is a lifestyle I will maintain because it's working for me and because I enjoy it. I don't need to worry about going back to my old ways, because I've created new attitudes and behaviors that support my new lifestyle. There is no turning back.
PWLP: Week Eleven - Lesson Two
Personal Evaluation
1. Webster defines the word, "hope" as follows: "a desire of some good, accompanied with at least a slight expectation of obtaining it." What are your personal "hopes," desires and expectations today? I hope to continue on my journey with full commitment and adherence. I don't want to fall away from these guidelines that have brought me so far. I want to love to exercise and commit to it every day. I want to see my extra pounds melt off and see my future as much more tangible and obtainable.
2. How do your new attitudes and actions support your hopes, desires and expectations? The way I'm living my life is a testament to my new attitudes and actions. Everything is intertwined - I live my life in a way that supports my dreams, and my dreams fuel me to continue on this path.
3. How will the rest of your life be affected when you realize your hopes, desires and expectations? This question confuses me...
1. Webster defines the word, "hope" as follows: "a desire of some good, accompanied with at least a slight expectation of obtaining it." What are your personal "hopes," desires and expectations today? I hope to continue on my journey with full commitment and adherence. I don't want to fall away from these guidelines that have brought me so far. I want to love to exercise and commit to it every day. I want to see my extra pounds melt off and see my future as much more tangible and obtainable.
2. How do your new attitudes and actions support your hopes, desires and expectations? The way I'm living my life is a testament to my new attitudes and actions. Everything is intertwined - I live my life in a way that supports my dreams, and my dreams fuel me to continue on this path.
3. How will the rest of your life be affected when you realize your hopes, desires and expectations? This question confuses me...
PWLP: Week Eleven - Lesson One
Personal Evaluation
1. Which program guidelines, if any, are you struggling with? I am struggling with staying at exactly 1200 calories/day. I often go over, sometimes even over 1300 calories/day. I am also struggling with saying my affirmations several times a day.
2. Why do you think you are struggling with these guidelines? If you are not struggling, what do you think is helping you maintain your commitment to the program guidelines? I am not really sure why I'm struggling with these guidelines... Maybe sometimes I think I'm too good for the guidelines, and I think I can control myself without them...
3. What is the most significant change you are experiencing during this phase of the program? I am not experiencing cravings for sweets anymore. In fact, I'm almost disgusted by them. I am experiencing a lot of changes in my body - my clothes aren't fitting anymore and I have to buy new clothes constantly to accommodate my changing body.
4. What are some changes you still look forward to making? I look forward to losing more weight and getting under 200 lbs. I look forward to being a pant size or two smaller, and for my arm 'flab' to start shrinking. I look forward to having collarbones.
5. Will these changes take place if you fail to take the program guidelines seriously? How does that make you feel? I know that these changes will take longer, if not halt entirely, if I don't take the program guidelines seriously. I know that I won't reap the benefits of the program if I'm stretching the guidelines to accommodate my cheating.
6. How will your commitment to complete your journey impact your health and the quality of the rest of your life? I will have a great rest of my life and my health will sky rocket. It's already improving day-by-day, I cannot imagine where my health and quality of life will be by this time next year!!
1. Which program guidelines, if any, are you struggling with? I am struggling with staying at exactly 1200 calories/day. I often go over, sometimes even over 1300 calories/day. I am also struggling with saying my affirmations several times a day.
2. Why do you think you are struggling with these guidelines? If you are not struggling, what do you think is helping you maintain your commitment to the program guidelines? I am not really sure why I'm struggling with these guidelines... Maybe sometimes I think I'm too good for the guidelines, and I think I can control myself without them...
3. What is the most significant change you are experiencing during this phase of the program? I am not experiencing cravings for sweets anymore. In fact, I'm almost disgusted by them. I am experiencing a lot of changes in my body - my clothes aren't fitting anymore and I have to buy new clothes constantly to accommodate my changing body.
4. What are some changes you still look forward to making? I look forward to losing more weight and getting under 200 lbs. I look forward to being a pant size or two smaller, and for my arm 'flab' to start shrinking. I look forward to having collarbones.
5. Will these changes take place if you fail to take the program guidelines seriously? How does that make you feel? I know that these changes will take longer, if not halt entirely, if I don't take the program guidelines seriously. I know that I won't reap the benefits of the program if I'm stretching the guidelines to accommodate my cheating.
6. How will your commitment to complete your journey impact your health and the quality of the rest of your life? I will have a great rest of my life and my health will sky rocket. It's already improving day-by-day, I cannot imagine where my health and quality of life will be by this time next year!!
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
Daily Diary: May 1, 2013
Less frustrated with myself today. I ate more than I should have, but I exercised (strengthening and cardio), and took on a new exercise challenge! I'm going to do the 30-Day Ab Challenge... by the end you're supposed to be doing 125 situps, 200 crunches, 65 leg raises, and a 2 minute plank. Yikes! I can't imagine getting there... but I can't wait to try.
Today, I had an interesting exchange with Agnes. While making some charts for the next day, Agnes came out of her office and asked me, "So Miss Rebecca, how much weight have you lost so far?!" and I responded that I'd lost about 50 lbs to date. She was quite shocked and asked me how much further I had to go to reach my goal - I told her that I wanted to lose another 50 lbs, because I started off at 280 lbs, and had a lot to lose to get where I wanted to be at. The exchange made me incredibly confident and happy, because it's really hard to know if you're in Agnes' good books or not. Additionally, I didn't realize that she noticed anything about me - so I felt super pumped and on cloud nine with her observations.
I'm pondering whether or not to weigh in on Friday morning. I know I want to find out if I've made it to the 50 lb mark, but I'm not sure if I'll have lost anything, being as though I haven't been under my calories at all this week. Still, I'm wondering if it isn't worth trying - just to document my progress as the weeks go by... or maybe I'm just trying to use it as a crutch, instead of focusing on where I'm headed and how to get there.
I emailed Jess today, asking for tips and advice on living a healthier lifestyle. I know that she's super fit and active, and I'd love any suggestions she might have for upping the ante in my life at the moment. I think I'm doing a pretty good job, but I definitely want to have goals for myself and keep progressing in my fitness levels. I don't want to get bored with my routines or give in to routines... I want to progress and keep trying to get stronger, leaner, more toned, and healthier! Here's hoping I took a step in the right direction...
I also purchased some B-50 Complex vitamins today. I know the PRISM program recommends that you be taking them right from the start, but I definitely put them off because I didn't think I needed them. In hindsight, I think that it might have been foolish to put off taking them. They're supposed to help with metabolizing carbs, proteins, and fats, and turning them into energy. I'm hoping that I don't have any weird reactions with them, but rather that they really help me notice an improvement in my mood and in the way I metabolize the foods that I eat. *Fingers crossed*
Today, I had an interesting exchange with Agnes. While making some charts for the next day, Agnes came out of her office and asked me, "So Miss Rebecca, how much weight have you lost so far?!" and I responded that I'd lost about 50 lbs to date. She was quite shocked and asked me how much further I had to go to reach my goal - I told her that I wanted to lose another 50 lbs, because I started off at 280 lbs, and had a lot to lose to get where I wanted to be at. The exchange made me incredibly confident and happy, because it's really hard to know if you're in Agnes' good books or not. Additionally, I didn't realize that she noticed anything about me - so I felt super pumped and on cloud nine with her observations.
I'm pondering whether or not to weigh in on Friday morning. I know I want to find out if I've made it to the 50 lb mark, but I'm not sure if I'll have lost anything, being as though I haven't been under my calories at all this week. Still, I'm wondering if it isn't worth trying - just to document my progress as the weeks go by... or maybe I'm just trying to use it as a crutch, instead of focusing on where I'm headed and how to get there.
I emailed Jess today, asking for tips and advice on living a healthier lifestyle. I know that she's super fit and active, and I'd love any suggestions she might have for upping the ante in my life at the moment. I think I'm doing a pretty good job, but I definitely want to have goals for myself and keep progressing in my fitness levels. I don't want to get bored with my routines or give in to routines... I want to progress and keep trying to get stronger, leaner, more toned, and healthier! Here's hoping I took a step in the right direction...
I also purchased some B-50 Complex vitamins today. I know the PRISM program recommends that you be taking them right from the start, but I definitely put them off because I didn't think I needed them. In hindsight, I think that it might have been foolish to put off taking them. They're supposed to help with metabolizing carbs, proteins, and fats, and turning them into energy. I'm hoping that I don't have any weird reactions with them, but rather that they really help me notice an improvement in my mood and in the way I metabolize the foods that I eat. *Fingers crossed*
PWLP: Week Ten - Lesson Six
Personal Evaluation
1. What are some types of foods you eat more than four times per week on the program? I eat A LOT of apples and bananas and grapes and watermelon on the program - I have several every day. I also eat rice cakes every day, and cheese in some form or another. I also eat peanut butter every day. Before, when I started the program, I ate several of my banana/oatmeal/peanut butter/vanilla cookies every day - I realized that it was an unhealthy relationship and stopped eating them for a week or two.
2. How are these foods related in taste and/or texture to your "old favorites"? Quite honestly, these foods don't really resemble anything I used to eat. I used to abuse foods all the time, and these foods I have a healthy relationship with. I love eating them because they taste good and make me feel rejuvenated. The foods I used to eat made me feel heavy and sluggish.
3. Think of the foods you misused on a regular basis before you began the program. How was your attitude toward that food similar to your attitude toward the foods you identified in question one? With my old favorites, I used them as emotional cushions. They filled the voids when other things couldn't. They cheered me up when I felt sad, and gave me a pat on the back when I felt good.
4. In what ways do you need to adjust your attitude about any of the foods you listed in question one? How does that make you feel? I need to realize that food is not my 'friend,' that it's something to nourish my body, but not something to use when I feel good or bad or sad. It makes me feel frustrated that I let this get that far, but beside that I know that I feel confident in the way I'm growing and learning....
5. What will that change in attitude mean as you continue on as the TRUE YOU? How long will the benefits last? If I maintain a mentality that food is for nourishment and is not my friend, the benefits will last forever. It will mean unlimited success and happiness as I continue on my journey to the true me.
1. What are some types of foods you eat more than four times per week on the program? I eat A LOT of apples and bananas and grapes and watermelon on the program - I have several every day. I also eat rice cakes every day, and cheese in some form or another. I also eat peanut butter every day. Before, when I started the program, I ate several of my banana/oatmeal/peanut butter/vanilla cookies every day - I realized that it was an unhealthy relationship and stopped eating them for a week or two.
2. How are these foods related in taste and/or texture to your "old favorites"? Quite honestly, these foods don't really resemble anything I used to eat. I used to abuse foods all the time, and these foods I have a healthy relationship with. I love eating them because they taste good and make me feel rejuvenated. The foods I used to eat made me feel heavy and sluggish.
3. Think of the foods you misused on a regular basis before you began the program. How was your attitude toward that food similar to your attitude toward the foods you identified in question one? With my old favorites, I used them as emotional cushions. They filled the voids when other things couldn't. They cheered me up when I felt sad, and gave me a pat on the back when I felt good.
4. In what ways do you need to adjust your attitude about any of the foods you listed in question one? How does that make you feel? I need to realize that food is not my 'friend,' that it's something to nourish my body, but not something to use when I feel good or bad or sad. It makes me feel frustrated that I let this get that far, but beside that I know that I feel confident in the way I'm growing and learning....
5. What will that change in attitude mean as you continue on as the TRUE YOU? How long will the benefits last? If I maintain a mentality that food is for nourishment and is not my friend, the benefits will last forever. It will mean unlimited success and happiness as I continue on my journey to the true me.
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