So I have a few things to note in here, just because I can...
First off, I was doing some filing in the filing room, and Krista came up to me and said,
"There seems to be less of you lately..."
To which I was taken aback, because I thought she meant that I was shoe-less (I kicked my shoes off to do the filing). Then I realized she was talking about my weight loss. She said she's not one to notice these things, but that she did see a difference when we were in our staff meeting today. I could've hugged her - she definitely made my day. THERE IS less of me now... and will be less of me to come!
Secondly, I just looked up my BMI score. Back when I started my weight loss journey or lifestyle change, the heaviest I weighed in at was 280 lbs. According to the BMI, I scored 42.6, which is considered Obese Class III (very severely obese). Last week, I weighed in at 235 lbs, and my new BMI score is 35.7, which falls in the 35 to 40 range, and classifies me as Obese Class II (severely obese). However my new BMI score is dangerously close to falling in the 30 to 35 range, referred to as Obese Class I (moderately obese).
In mere months, I've managed to transform my body enough that I've dropped 6.9 points on the BMI, and have moved from being in the "very severely obese" category to almost fitting in the "moderately obese" category.
Now, this has been incredibly hard work - especially the past week or two. I've struggled with old mentalities and eating habits, I've gone over my calories almost every day, I have been neglecting to do my cardio exercises, I've entirely quit taking my iron and cinnamon supplements, not to mention I haven't been drinking enough water.
I feel crappy and guilty and frustrated and disappointed with my mental sluggishness, and I don't know how to get back to where I was before. I have considered revisiting Phase One's lessons and working my way through them again, as they seemed to really help me get to the root of some of my eating issues.
I've also considered starting the C25K program - which encourages couch potatoes (like me!) to get active by gradually increasing endurance and stamina and transforming said potatoes into runners. I figured that a 3 day/week program could easily be incorporated into my current fitness routine - even though I've been sucking at it massively. I've also purchased a few 5 lb dumbbells to do strengthening and toning workouts with. At the moment, I'm focusing mainly on my back, chest, shoulders and arms, as those are the areas I'd like to gain more tone and definition in at the moment.
Additionally, Josh mentioned switching my routine up a bit. One day for cardio, the next day for pilates/strengthening, repeat. I feel like this might give me an edge on overcoming my fitness slump and encourage me to complete my cardio AND strengthening/toning exercises each week. However, I'm not 100% sold on the idea, so it's been tabled for further review.
Finally, I'm considering buying the B-complex timed-release supplements that the PRISM program encourages you to take during the journey. I don't use any vitamins/supplements at the moment, and I think it might aid me in my digestion and pursuit of this goal.
Lately, I've been a bit frustrated with my body. I see all these areas that need work and how far I have to go, and I feel discouraged because I can't see as amazing of changes as everyone else. It doesn't seem quite as drastic to me, but I do notice the differences. I feel discouraged, because I still have so much weight to lose - and even though I'm halfway to my initial goal, I feel disappointed that I'm only halfway there. I can't wait to look like I envision myself in the future, all toned with smaller thighs and arms and waistline. Unfortunately, the road is long and I still have a hell of a ways to go. I know by the end of the summer that I'll be looking fabulous and the changes will be astonishing, but nevertheless, I'm impatient and the suspense is getting to me. Maybe that's why I'm struggling lately...??
I'm also discouraged with my eating habits. Lately I seem to eat just for the heck of it, not because I'm hungry. I pick at the food in the kitchen and I nibble on snacks that I shouldn't be eating in the first place. I make concessions for myself when we go to our parents' houses for the weekend, and snack on nacho chips and guacamole and treats... not within moderation. Like, it wouldn't be such a big deal if I could do it in a controlled manner. I think I need to revisit the basics... ugh. :(
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
PWLP: Week Ten - Lesson Five
Personal Evaluation
1. Do you have any emotional ties to certain "holiday" foods? If so, which ones? Yes - birthday cake, chips and dips, pumpkin pie, ice cream, etc.
2. How will that holiday change for you if you choose not to eat that food? It will be hard and challenging to participate in the holiday when I am consciously making an effort not to have the 'forbidden' foods, but I think the holiday will still be awesome because I'm with family celebrating!
3. How will today's lesson change your plans for the next holiday celebration? I think that I will be more conscious of celebrating the fact that I'm with family and making the most of our time together, instead of brooding over how I can't have my old favorite foods.
1. Do you have any emotional ties to certain "holiday" foods? If so, which ones? Yes - birthday cake, chips and dips, pumpkin pie, ice cream, etc.
2. How will that holiday change for you if you choose not to eat that food? It will be hard and challenging to participate in the holiday when I am consciously making an effort not to have the 'forbidden' foods, but I think the holiday will still be awesome because I'm with family celebrating!
3. How will today's lesson change your plans for the next holiday celebration? I think that I will be more conscious of celebrating the fact that I'm with family and making the most of our time together, instead of brooding over how I can't have my old favorite foods.
Monday, April 29, 2013
PWLP: Week Ten - Lesson Four
Personal Evaluation
1. Watch thirty minutes of television or listen to the radio for fifteen minutes. How many commercials urged you to eat? Pretty much every commercial pushes food or restaurants or eating on consumers.
2. In the past, how do you think the barrage of commercials has subconsciously defeated your weight loss efforts? In the past, I would sometimes watch TV while exercising on the elliptical. Either during my workout or after I sat down, the commercials would urge me to go and find something sweet and sugary to eat, which would basically completely blow my entire workout.
3. How will you benefit by resisting the urge to "take a break"? In taking a break, I take the chance of falling into bad habits or patterns from before starting PRISM. I might realize that it's easier to live the way I did before, and in doing so, will throw in the towel on this lifestyle. By refusing to take a break, I'm overcoming another challenge in my life and showing myself that I am a slave to no one, but rather that I make my body my slave and it obeys me.
1. Watch thirty minutes of television or listen to the radio for fifteen minutes. How many commercials urged you to eat? Pretty much every commercial pushes food or restaurants or eating on consumers.
2. In the past, how do you think the barrage of commercials has subconsciously defeated your weight loss efforts? In the past, I would sometimes watch TV while exercising on the elliptical. Either during my workout or after I sat down, the commercials would urge me to go and find something sweet and sugary to eat, which would basically completely blow my entire workout.
3. How will you benefit by resisting the urge to "take a break"? In taking a break, I take the chance of falling into bad habits or patterns from before starting PRISM. I might realize that it's easier to live the way I did before, and in doing so, will throw in the towel on this lifestyle. By refusing to take a break, I'm overcoming another challenge in my life and showing myself that I am a slave to no one, but rather that I make my body my slave and it obeys me.
PWLP: Week Ten - Lesson Three
Personal Evaluation
1. When was the last time someone confronted you about your weight loss efforts? What feelings did you experience? A client at my work made some comments about how I looked the other day - she was complimenting my figure and asking me about what I was doing. I felt so proud and super excited about her curiosity. I love sharing about the PRISM program, and I find that that's a fabulous opportunity to do so.
2. As you think back to the above situation, how do you think the other person was feeling? I think that she felt guilty and frustrated with herself. She kept making comments about how she had weight to lose and how she wanted to be able to do the same thing I was doing, but was unable to because of her lifestyle.
3. How did you react to their statements or questions? Did your reaction or responses affect your dialogue in a positive or negative way? How? I responded positively and with encouragement. I tried to make my responses seem encouraging and like anyone could do it, regardless of their lifestyle - and despite my best efforts, I think she wasn't really open to the changes I've made in my life. She seemed to think that this lifestyle would be too difficult to maintain.
4. What did you learn from this experience? That other people are envious of me - in the way that I look and in the way that I'm living my life. I don't mean that in a cocky way - I mean that the way I'm living my life is inspiring and makes others curious and inquisitive as to the changes I've made.
5. How have others' comments or questions contributed to your failure in past weight loss efforts? How can your future RESPONSES ensure that this will not happen again? When people seem frustrated with the inconveniences my diet makes, I tended to want to throw in the towel early on my weight loss efforts. In the future, I know that other people say things sometimes because they don't know how else to respond and/or they are jealous/envious of my success or changes.
1. When was the last time someone confronted you about your weight loss efforts? What feelings did you experience? A client at my work made some comments about how I looked the other day - she was complimenting my figure and asking me about what I was doing. I felt so proud and super excited about her curiosity. I love sharing about the PRISM program, and I find that that's a fabulous opportunity to do so.
2. As you think back to the above situation, how do you think the other person was feeling? I think that she felt guilty and frustrated with herself. She kept making comments about how she had weight to lose and how she wanted to be able to do the same thing I was doing, but was unable to because of her lifestyle.
3. How did you react to their statements or questions? Did your reaction or responses affect your dialogue in a positive or negative way? How? I responded positively and with encouragement. I tried to make my responses seem encouraging and like anyone could do it, regardless of their lifestyle - and despite my best efforts, I think she wasn't really open to the changes I've made in my life. She seemed to think that this lifestyle would be too difficult to maintain.
4. What did you learn from this experience? That other people are envious of me - in the way that I look and in the way that I'm living my life. I don't mean that in a cocky way - I mean that the way I'm living my life is inspiring and makes others curious and inquisitive as to the changes I've made.
5. How have others' comments or questions contributed to your failure in past weight loss efforts? How can your future RESPONSES ensure that this will not happen again? When people seem frustrated with the inconveniences my diet makes, I tended to want to throw in the towel early on my weight loss efforts. In the future, I know that other people say things sometimes because they don't know how else to respond and/or they are jealous/envious of my success or changes.
Saturday, April 27, 2013
PWLP: Week Ten - Lesson Two
Personal Evaluation
1. Which social occasions in the last ten weeks stand out in your memory? Easter dinner 2013 at the Ulmers was an incredibly difficult social gathering for me. As well as my sister's 20th birthday party at my parents' house. I also remember the Grapefruit baseball tournament this weekend, as well as Easter dinner 2013 at my Auntie Trish's house. The last two events were moments of pride for me as I exhibited my new and transforming body.
2. In addition to the fun or excitement, were you looking forward to these occasions because you had lost weight? Yes, I was. It's a super exciting time to see people I haven't seen in a while, and take in their reactions to my changing self.
3. Before the events, were you concerned about what you would eat? What were your greatest fears? I wouldn't say that I was 'worried' about what I would eat - but I am apprehensive and cautious. I make sure to bring extra 'snacks' for myself, in case there are other foods/desserts that I won't be permitted to eat. I always worry about people being overly apologetic because I can't eat the foods they prepare - I don't like to cause a scene and be the center of attention because of the lifestyle change I'm making. I want people to respect my need for different foods, and to let me handle preparing and bringing them for myself. I don't want to burden others.
4. Did you anticipate questions from others regarding your obvious weight loss? In what ways were you apprehensive? In what ways were you excited? Yes, I always anticipate questions about my weight loss now - I almost feel disappointed when people don't ask or notice. I am always apprehensive when I have to describe the guidelines of the program I'm using - because most people aren't very receptive to the restrictions that I follow on a daily basis. In other ways, I'm so excited to share my success and this program with anyone who is willing to listen. I think it's incredibly beneficial for anyone who needs to get in shape or take their health into their own hands.
5. Did you feel pressure about your eating choices other than from your own desires? From whom or where did it come? I always feel an unspoken pressure, especially at birthday parties or family gatherings. It's just natural/normal to get together and binge eat. The unspoken pressure of the past and traditions weighs heavily on me, and I'm often thankful for my husband's help in avoiding compromising situations.
6. Were you tempted to go ahead and eat just to appear "normal"? How did that make you feel? I did this today - and it made me feel terrible, physically and mentally. I overate wayyyyy too much guacamole and chips, and I felt like crap afterwards. I don't know if I can be trusted with that at the moment, because I just abuse it. I don't consciously do this to feel/appear 'normal,' but I know subconsciously that's part of the reason why I do it.
7. What do you think motivates others to question your food choices? Why do you think others "push" food at you? I think others question my food choices because they are curious and inquisitive as to how the program works and how it's working for me. I think that everyone's curious to know if they could do it too and what they could gain from undertaking such a program. Additionally, I think that some people push food at me because they're jealous of my success, or because they want to see how strong my resolve is to remain on the program.
8. How does understanding this motivation better prepare you to respond to them in a loving manner rather than being resentful? It allows me to see them as people who are struggling as well. They need my love and patience, just as I need love and patience as I'm going through the program. Even if someone doesn't appear to be struggling with weight/health (in my mind), they can be struggling immensely and my success could be motivating someone to make a change or consider an alternative way of life.
1. Which social occasions in the last ten weeks stand out in your memory? Easter dinner 2013 at the Ulmers was an incredibly difficult social gathering for me. As well as my sister's 20th birthday party at my parents' house. I also remember the Grapefruit baseball tournament this weekend, as well as Easter dinner 2013 at my Auntie Trish's house. The last two events were moments of pride for me as I exhibited my new and transforming body.
2. In addition to the fun or excitement, were you looking forward to these occasions because you had lost weight? Yes, I was. It's a super exciting time to see people I haven't seen in a while, and take in their reactions to my changing self.
3. Before the events, were you concerned about what you would eat? What were your greatest fears? I wouldn't say that I was 'worried' about what I would eat - but I am apprehensive and cautious. I make sure to bring extra 'snacks' for myself, in case there are other foods/desserts that I won't be permitted to eat. I always worry about people being overly apologetic because I can't eat the foods they prepare - I don't like to cause a scene and be the center of attention because of the lifestyle change I'm making. I want people to respect my need for different foods, and to let me handle preparing and bringing them for myself. I don't want to burden others.
4. Did you anticipate questions from others regarding your obvious weight loss? In what ways were you apprehensive? In what ways were you excited? Yes, I always anticipate questions about my weight loss now - I almost feel disappointed when people don't ask or notice. I am always apprehensive when I have to describe the guidelines of the program I'm using - because most people aren't very receptive to the restrictions that I follow on a daily basis. In other ways, I'm so excited to share my success and this program with anyone who is willing to listen. I think it's incredibly beneficial for anyone who needs to get in shape or take their health into their own hands.
5. Did you feel pressure about your eating choices other than from your own desires? From whom or where did it come? I always feel an unspoken pressure, especially at birthday parties or family gatherings. It's just natural/normal to get together and binge eat. The unspoken pressure of the past and traditions weighs heavily on me, and I'm often thankful for my husband's help in avoiding compromising situations.
6. Were you tempted to go ahead and eat just to appear "normal"? How did that make you feel? I did this today - and it made me feel terrible, physically and mentally. I overate wayyyyy too much guacamole and chips, and I felt like crap afterwards. I don't know if I can be trusted with that at the moment, because I just abuse it. I don't consciously do this to feel/appear 'normal,' but I know subconsciously that's part of the reason why I do it.
7. What do you think motivates others to question your food choices? Why do you think others "push" food at you? I think others question my food choices because they are curious and inquisitive as to how the program works and how it's working for me. I think that everyone's curious to know if they could do it too and what they could gain from undertaking such a program. Additionally, I think that some people push food at me because they're jealous of my success, or because they want to see how strong my resolve is to remain on the program.
8. How does understanding this motivation better prepare you to respond to them in a loving manner rather than being resentful? It allows me to see them as people who are struggling as well. They need my love and patience, just as I need love and patience as I'm going through the program. Even if someone doesn't appear to be struggling with weight/health (in my mind), they can be struggling immensely and my success could be motivating someone to make a change or consider an alternative way of life.
PWLP: Week Ten - Lesson One
Personal Evaluation
1. In what ways have you celebrated reaching your "goal" in past diets? I always celebrated with a celebratory meal or treat - maybe I'd bake some brownies, or have a glass of rum and coke. Maybe we'd have a pizza for dinner, or perhaps we'd go out to celebrate.
2. Do you see a connection between your celebration and gaining your weight back? How? If not, why? Yes, I do. I can't reward my weight loss and my success in this program with food. Food is for fuel. It should not be used as a treat or a reward or a pat on the back. That's what people and experiences are for. Food can taste good and be a pleasurable experience, but it's not a what I choose to reward myself with (anymore).
3. Have friends or family approached you about what you are going to eat after you complete this program? Who has approached you and what did they say? How did you respond? My family has approached me about what will happen after I finish PRISM and how I will live in the real world after that. I responded by telling them how I'll likely maintain a 'clean eating' lifestyle long after I finish PRISM. I really appreciate what the dietary restrictions/guidelines have done/are doing in my life, and I really don't want to change that after I'm done. Will I be doing the lessons in the workbook every day? No. But I will want to carry with me these beneficial and life-saving dietary guidelines long after I finish losing the weight I need to to become the true me.
4. How WILL you celebrate reaching your "right weight"? I've started a Pandora charm bracelet with my sister. After we reach some fitness/weight loss goals, we buy ourselves a new charm. Perhaps I will buy a new charm for myself when I reach my right weight. I will probably also do a lot of clothes shopping for my new body. Maybe I will treat myself with a better food scale, or a fancier HRM.
1. In what ways have you celebrated reaching your "goal" in past diets? I always celebrated with a celebratory meal or treat - maybe I'd bake some brownies, or have a glass of rum and coke. Maybe we'd have a pizza for dinner, or perhaps we'd go out to celebrate.
2. Do you see a connection between your celebration and gaining your weight back? How? If not, why? Yes, I do. I can't reward my weight loss and my success in this program with food. Food is for fuel. It should not be used as a treat or a reward or a pat on the back. That's what people and experiences are for. Food can taste good and be a pleasurable experience, but it's not a what I choose to reward myself with (anymore).
3. Have friends or family approached you about what you are going to eat after you complete this program? Who has approached you and what did they say? How did you respond? My family has approached me about what will happen after I finish PRISM and how I will live in the real world after that. I responded by telling them how I'll likely maintain a 'clean eating' lifestyle long after I finish PRISM. I really appreciate what the dietary restrictions/guidelines have done/are doing in my life, and I really don't want to change that after I'm done. Will I be doing the lessons in the workbook every day? No. But I will want to carry with me these beneficial and life-saving dietary guidelines long after I finish losing the weight I need to to become the true me.
4. How WILL you celebrate reaching your "right weight"? I've started a Pandora charm bracelet with my sister. After we reach some fitness/weight loss goals, we buy ourselves a new charm. Perhaps I will buy a new charm for myself when I reach my right weight. I will probably also do a lot of clothes shopping for my new body. Maybe I will treat myself with a better food scale, or a fancier HRM.
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
PWLP: Week Nine - Lesson Six
Personal Evaluation
1. Have you had a recent experience when you were noticed or admired? Explain what happened and how you felt. The other day when we were going to bed, my husband told me that he'd noticed I had lost a lot of weight. I asked him how he knew, and he told me that when he puts his arms around me I feel smaller. I felt amazing, because that is one of the goals on my list to achieve with my weight loss. I want to be smaller and fit better in his arms. I was on cloud nine afterwards.
2. List some positive emotions you have when people admire or recognize you. How do these emotions help motivate you? I feel proud and strong when people admire me - like my hard work is paying off. I feel sexy and better looking - as I see myself fit better in my clothes (or worse, depending on the article of clothing). These emotions make me strive to feel more proud and strong and sexy... I love the way being admired/recognized makes me feel, so I keep trying to feel that way always.
3. List some negative emotions you have when people admire or recognize you. Do these emotions cause you to wonder if it is all worth it? How can your Agreement of Resolution help you endure these times of doubt? Sometimes I feel discouraged when people don't notice my success, or when they tell me that I look good and I don't need to lose any more weight. It makes me feel like other people don't like encouraging me to succeed. Or they don't want to see me succeed and achieve my ultimate goal. I don't like other people telling me what's healthy for me or good for me. I want their support. I also struggle to feel happy when people aren't supportive of my lifestyle changes either - it makes me feel like a lesser person, like they know how to live healthy better than me.
1. Have you had a recent experience when you were noticed or admired? Explain what happened and how you felt. The other day when we were going to bed, my husband told me that he'd noticed I had lost a lot of weight. I asked him how he knew, and he told me that when he puts his arms around me I feel smaller. I felt amazing, because that is one of the goals on my list to achieve with my weight loss. I want to be smaller and fit better in his arms. I was on cloud nine afterwards.
2. List some positive emotions you have when people admire or recognize you. How do these emotions help motivate you? I feel proud and strong when people admire me - like my hard work is paying off. I feel sexy and better looking - as I see myself fit better in my clothes (or worse, depending on the article of clothing). These emotions make me strive to feel more proud and strong and sexy... I love the way being admired/recognized makes me feel, so I keep trying to feel that way always.
3. List some negative emotions you have when people admire or recognize you. Do these emotions cause you to wonder if it is all worth it? How can your Agreement of Resolution help you endure these times of doubt? Sometimes I feel discouraged when people don't notice my success, or when they tell me that I look good and I don't need to lose any more weight. It makes me feel like other people don't like encouraging me to succeed. Or they don't want to see me succeed and achieve my ultimate goal. I don't like other people telling me what's healthy for me or good for me. I want their support. I also struggle to feel happy when people aren't supportive of my lifestyle changes either - it makes me feel like a lesser person, like they know how to live healthy better than me.
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