The grass IS really greener on the other side...

Back in January of this year, I decided to make some big changes in my life. My first blog post on January 25, 2013 spoke of how I wanted to make permanent changes in my life, which would add up to a big long-lasting difference in the way I lived my life there afterwards. I started the PRISM Weight Loss Program at the end of February, and began seeing immediate differences in my attitude and in the little numbers on the scale.

I continued the PRISM Weight Loss Program through two phases, and sort of fell off the wagon shortly afterwards. I realized that the daily lessons just weren't for me, but most other elements of the program created the 'perfect' fit in my lifestyle change. I've predominantly cut my daily caloric intake back to 1200-1300 calories a day, as well as drinking between 8-15 glasses of water a day. I've cut out ALL alcohol, deep-fried foods, in addition to restricting and/or entirely cutting out refined sugars and bread products. I journal my food consumption every day on MyFitnessPal.com, and I've also purchased a FitBit Flex with which to monitor my physical activity.

Today is the day I've dreamed about for years... This morning I stepped on the scale and the numbers read 199.6 lbs... For the first time in years, probably since Junior High school at least, I finally weigh under 200 lbs!!! As of today, I have officially lost 80.4 lbs. I still have a long way to go, another 20-60 lbs approximately, but I am not scared or worried about the future. I know that I can achieve anything I set my mind to, and I know that despite the difficulties and challenges that I've had to overcome, this has all been worth it.

I am so proud to share this fact with everyone. I know that people have told me most of my life that I don't look like I weigh over 200 lbs, but trust me, I DID (notice my obvious use of the past tense there...)!! Since I started this journey, I felt very subconscious about letting people know how much I weighed. I felt embarrassed and ashamed... now I feel elated, proud, optimistic and hopeful.

I've never hated myself, in fact, I never really thought there was really anything wrong with my size until the beginning of this year. Everyone who knows me would tell you that I was always bubbling over with self-confidence and attitude, and I definitely didn't hate my body. Oh sure, there were things that I wanted to change - who doesn't? I always knew that God would never put someone on the planet that he deemed ugly or unworthy, and I knew that I was beautiful because of that. But I guess for the longest time I thought that I was "born to be fat." I never really considered the possibility that I was supposed to be anything other than plus sized. My whole life I figured that I would wear XL pieces and would always be doomed to shop in the limited plus-sized sections - always to be too big for 'regular' clothes, but too small for true plus sizes. And then one day it hit me. God had given me this body - His temple - for me to take care of, and I had failed Him miserably. I didn't eat right, I wasn't active - I was a picture of someone who was wasteful and ungrateful and gluttonous. I had become someone my Father would not have been proud of... And that's when I realized that something had to change. How could I be a good witness of my faith to others if I wasn't acting out my faith? Like "Oh ya, God loves you... blah blah blah... Don't mind me as I shovel this bowl of potato chips into my mouth... and OOOO! Is that a donut?? Thanks, I'll take 2... one for each thigh you know..." *wink wink* This certainly wasn't the picture I wanted to send to others, and this wasn't how I wanted to continually spend the days that God gave me...

Some BEFORE pictures...

I weighed in at my heaviest late last year, at a whopping 280 lbs, and a BMI of 42.6. This put me in Obese Class III, as very severely obese. This is especially evident in any pictures you'll see of me taken between August and December of 2012. Here is a comparison of my measurements from start (on the left) to present (on the right):

Waist: 41" (Dec 2012)  |  Waist: 32" (Sept 2013) = 9" difference

Hips: 50" (Dec 2012)  |  Hips: 40" (Sept 2013) = 10" difference

Thighs: 32" (March 2013)  |  Thighs: 26" (Sept 2013) = 6" difference

Calves: 20" (March 2013)  |  Calves: 17.5" (Sept 2013) = 2.5" difference

Neck: 16" (Dec 2012)  |  Neck: 13.5" (Sept 2013) = 2.5" difference

Biceps: 17" (March 2013)  |  Biceps: 14" (Sept 2013) = 3" difference

Overall, that's a total of 33" lost to date.

Back in December, my in-laws took us to the States on a trip to visit my husband's grandparents in Arizona, as well as to take us to Disneyland. When we went shopping, I happened across a store called Torrid. I'd heard of it before from plus-sized YouTube gurus who raved about the clothing and quality. So I ambled in and picked up my first pairs of well-fitting jeans. They were a size 22.

Today, I am fitting into pants size 10-12. My shirts have shrunk from an XL/XXL to XS-M. I've 'under-grown' 2 belts, and have completely overhauled my wardrobe. I don't have any of the same clothes that I had 8 months ago in my closet. My feet have shrunk from a size 11 to a size 9.5-10. My engagement and wedding bands have become so loose, I am afraid that I'll have to take them off soon before I lose them accidentally. Today, my BMI is at 30.2, which puts me in Obese Class I, as moderately obese - however, I am just tenths of a point away from falling in the Overweight category (with a BMI between 25 and 30). 

Some CURRENT pictures...

 

All in all, I think that in all the progress that I've made, God's been holding my hand walking alongside me through it all. I know that He is proud of the accomplishments I've made, and He's beaming because I'm learning to treat my body as His temple - a place to be an honor and testament to Him and the good He can work in even the worst of sinners. I am absolutely certain that He will continue to walk with me as I push on towards the end goal... He is my strength and my song, and in the moments when I can't go any further, I look to Him for the motivation to move forward.

As my reward system, my sister and I purchased Pandora bracelets back in April to give ourselves a special reward every time we achieved one of our goals - without the reward being food. Food is for nourishment, not for a reward, is what I've told myself. I've gotten charms for 25 lbs lost, 50 lbs lost, 60 lbs lost, 70 lbs lost, and today for breaking the 200 lb mark. I hope to fill the bracelet right up with charms to commemorate my journey, and as a pretty reminder every day that I can do this and succeed...

Also as a celebration and reminder of this huge milestone, I'm planning on getting a small tattoo on my wrist with the words: "I will find my strength in the shadow of Your wings." They are the lyrics from a song by Third Day called "Your Love Oh Lord." The phrase has become my mantra throughout this journey - when I am unable to continue, I will find my strength and the will and purpose to go on in my saviour, Jesus. It is only through Him that I have lost all this weight, and it will be only through Him that I can continue successfully through to the maintenance stage of my journey. The tattoo will be small and simple, but the message that it will carry is strong and powerful, and something I need to be reminded of on a daily basis.

I am so thankful and grateful for all of the support and love everyone's given me in the past 8+ months. I've received so many compliments and hearty enthusiasm, I can barely contain my joy with everyone's overwhelming support. Please let me know (message me or come chat) if you have any questions or queries about my journey... I've done tons of research, and I'm very happy and willing to help anyone out who may find themselves in the same place I was back in January. 

My next big milestone is when I hit 100 lbs lost from my starting weight. At that point, I will weigh in at 180 lbs. So keep following me on this journey... It's going to be a wild ride!

Mucho love <3

-Rebecca

Daily Diary: August 26, 2013

So it's been a while since I've written some sort of log or journal entry on my weight loss journey, and I think it's important to record stuff like this so here's my most recent update...

I'm currently weighing in at 207.6?? ish lbs. I had dropped to 206.4 lbs last week, but a few days of too much sodium and too many excess calories, coupled with not enough walking or exercising in general, seemed to bring that back around 207 lbs. I'm a little frustrated, because Josh and I leave on Saturday for our week long vacation, and I'm not going to be able to weigh in while we're gone. And while (in a perfect world) I'd love to dream that I could lose 7+ lbs in a week, it's not going to happen. In any event, two or three pounds lost this week would put me right in the ballpark I want to be in to weigh-in under 200 lbs before September 14 (a.k.a Todd and Kelly's wedding). In theory, if I'm good over vacation, I could lose enough to come back and stomp all over that goal... though I'm not holding my breath.

That being said, my BMI is now at 31.6. My last post on June 22 stated that my BMI was at 33.6 - so that's a decrease of 2 points! So excited about that!! I'm so close to finally being in the "Overweight" category (BMI between 25-30 points), it's not even funny...

I'm noticing that I'm struggling a lot with eating during work hours... I can't seem to stop eating at work... today I worked through most of my food before 3, which was really frustrating. I ate my oatmeal and banana, and immediately chased it down with an apple. Then an hour and a half later, I followed it with my cheese and rice cakes... I'm not 100% sure what I can do to avoid this problem - especially since I'm drinking lots of water at work during the day... it's not like I'm thirsty and confusing it with hunger. I'm not quite sure how to rectify this... I know that the oatmeal and banana are filling - I don't need to be immediately chasing my food down with another snack immediately - I think it's purely a mental thing.

My workouts are going well. They are becoming a more 'regular,' if not 'habitual,' occurrence. I am liking going 3-4 times a week, preferably 4 times a week, since that allows me to complete my workout a full 2 times each week. I felt a little bored with my routine tonight, which makes me think that I need to switch some things up... I did my legs/abs/shoulders workout today instead of my arms/chest/back workout, and it was a nice change from the predictability of my workouts. I think I need to change up some of my exercises, to create some variety and some excitement.

Josh took me to buy my first pair of hiking shoes on Sunday. I'm so excited to use them to go hiking with him on our vacation next week. I can't believe that I asked him to take me for hiking shoes - I never would have done that before, but now it's something I really really want to do.

I've really started to love myself. Every day I look in the mirror to see if my stomach has sucked into my body... hopefully one day my stomach will be flat - it's so close, but I still have a ways to go. My legs are slimming down too - not so disproportionate, more slim and lean... but they too have a long ways to go still. My butt, legs, shoulders, hips, and stomach still have oodles of weight left to lose. But that's what makes me confident that I can lose more than my original goal of 100 lbs.

I'm considering getting a tattoo now for reaching my goal of getting under 200 lbs. Originally I was going to get a Pandora charm, but I feel like maybe a tattoo would be a good idea as well... either way. It's something that's been on my mind more and more lately...

All of my clothes are getting to be too big now. I am having to buy new clothes in smaller sizes constantly. I remember back in the summer I bought another pair of capris from Reitmans, because my first pair of size 13s were so comfortable. So I bought a pair of 11s, for the day when the 13s would get to be too big. I tried on the 11s this weekend, and they were almost too big for me now... super exciting, but very frustrating as well...

So ya... that's my little update on life. I am really looking forward to what the next few weeks have in store for me. Hopefully the next time I'm journalling on here, you'll be reading thoughts from a person who weighs less than 200 lbs! That would be so exciting... and it's not that far away either :)

Daily Diary: June 22, 2013

At the end of April, I wrote this in one of my daily diary entries:

"...I just looked up my BMI score. Back when I started my weight loss journey or lifestyle change, the heaviest I weighed in at was 280 lbs. According to the BMI, I scored 42.6, which is considered Obese Class III (very severely obese). Last week, I weighed in at 235 lbs, and my new BMI score is 35.7, which falls in the 35 to 40 range, and classifies me as Obese Class II (severely obese). However my new BMI score is dangerously close to falling in the 30 to 35 range, referred to as Obese Class I (moderately obese)."

 I weighed prematurely today, but I am now 222 lbs, and my BMI score is now a whopping 33.8. Which snuggles me right into the Obese Class I (moderately obese) category. I never thought I'd be excited to say that, but I am so ecstatic to be dropping inches, pounds, and points on the BMI. I know it's all leading to a healthier, happier me!

I am a little bummed out that I weighed in a week early, but I feel that it was for the best. I didn't know where I was at with the whole move and such, so I wanted to set a baseline to go from. I feel a little disappointed with the number that popped up on the scale, but at the same time, I'm so happy for any loss. I feel like I can make this week absolutely amazing and come up with another big loss by Friday. My goal is to lose another 2-3 lbs this week so that I come in under 220 lbs. Wouldn't that be fabulous!?

Unfortunately, the last two to three weeks have really sucked for me. Not sucked as in what I've eaten and what I've done, but sucked in that I haven't been reading any of my PRISM lessons, and I can feel certain edges of my resolve weakening. I know that the lessons are incredibly beneficial for my emotional and spiritual well-being throughout this journey and to be avoiding them and putting them off is not building a good foundation for the changes I'm making.

As a result, in the past two weeks I've seen a 3 lb loss, which is fabulous, but I could also be doing better. I feel that in large part, I owe this small triumph to my consistent eating habits and good choices. However, I've definitely slacked off in the following areas:
- Taking my pill every day
- Taking my B50 supplement every day
- Reading my PRISM lessons daily
- Drinking 8+ glasses of water a day
- Exercising for 30+ minutes/5 days a week

With all the rain and the move, I haven't really tried to find time to exercise. And I've told myself that it's okay because I'm packing and moving boxes and it counts towards my daily physical activity. It totally does, but I'm not supposed to clean and pack and move INSTEAD OF exercising - it should be a welcome addition to my exercise routine. I'm frustrated because this  move might have been easier, had I been more active in the days leading up to our possession date, not to mention the stress relief that I would get from a nice long brisk walk.

There is so much room for improvement this upcoming week. I really want to work on my water intake, and I want to make sure I'm taking my pill and my B50 supplement every day. I also want to get in some exercise, weather permitting. And I really want to get back to my PRISM lessons.

Kthxbye <3

PWLP: Week Fifteen - Lesson One

Personal Evaluation

1. "What are some new ideas or suggestions of which you have been "skeptical"?     I wasn't particularly skeptical over any new ideas or concepts. The only thing I was a bit doubtful over, was doing the lessons every day.

2. How can focusing on the possiblities and isolating the problems help you to accept these new ideas?     Instead of completely rejecting a new idea, I will look at how it can work for me and appropriately approach it. This will allow me to be open to the new concept, without completely dismissing it because it's not familiar or acceptable to me immediately.

3. Select one idea from your answer to question one. Isolate the problem with implementing this idea. Now, explore the possibilities! Describe how and hen you will give this idea an opportunity to work in your life.     It's already happened.

PWLP: Week Fourteen - Lesson Seven

Personal Evaluation

1. Which of the three reactions to the "yellow lights" do you most closely relate to in your weight loss journey? Why?    I think I relate most to the analogy where the person hesitates first and then either guns it through the intersection or stops abruptly. I think that I spend too much time over-thinking this stuff, which leads me to hesitate first. I really want to consider if I'm doing things right or if I should be putting on the brakes and making changes first. Sometimes this is a problem, but othertimes it's useful for goal-setting and evaluating my progress.

2. Describe how you are focusing on your destination.    I use events and timelines as encouragement to keep moving towards my destination. Things like overnight trips to Canmore with friends, Todd and Kelly's wedding in September, Joana's wedding next June?, Andrew and Heather's wedding next August, all motivate me to keep pursuing my goals and not letting them fall under the radar. I use these events as motivation to remain positive, optimistic, and committed to my lifestyle change. I can use these situations to fuel my desire and give myself 'mini' goals that are more attainable, and will allow me to see the progress I've made in a comparative way, rather than a numerical one.

3. How much attention are you paying to the "intersections" and "cautions" on the road to the TRUE YOU? How has this affected your progress?    Sometimes I am completely oblivious to the intersections and cautions on this journey - this makes me too complacent and not serious enough about arriving at my destination in a timely fashion. I feel like sometimes I'm too passive about the journey and destination, and I pay little heed to moments to stop and reflect on my success - as well as regrouping to figure out where I went wrong and how to rectify it to best benefit my journey as a whole (here's where that hesitation from question 1 comes in handy...)

PWLP: Week Fourteen - Lesson Six

Personal Evaluation

1. Describe some situations you have experienced where it was difficult to abide by your Agreement of Resolution.    I mostly find it difficult to follow the program guidelines when I'm at my in-laws' house, or just out with my in-laws in general. I don't really want to abide by he rules, and I tend to overindulge and eat too much every time I'm with them. One night after we did our home inspection, we went out to a bar for some drinks and quick eats before heading to floor hockey. I was so hungry, because it had been a long time since last I ate, and though I was ready to cave in and buy some wings or something, I stayed strong and didn't indulge in any bar food at all. I waited until I got home and had a healthier meal here.

2. How did your right actions in those situations reinforce your resolution for change?    In hindsight, I'm really thankful for choosing to go home and eat some good, clean food from here. Deep-fried food tends to make me feel really disgusting, so I am happy that I made a healthy decision despite the fact that it was really difficult to make in the heat of the moment.

3. List at least five things about life that you appreciate more today than you did three months ago. Which ones have you experienced TODAY?    I appreciate long walks outside, fruits, weighing less, eating food from home, and chunky salsa. I went on an hour long walk with my husband tonight (despite the fact that I am sick...), I ate fruit today (apples and watermelon), and I ate food that I brought from home.

PWLP: Week Fourteen - Lesson Five

Personal Evaluation

1. Have you or are you slipping into a "comfort zone?" Describe your "comfort zone." How do you feel about leaving this zone?    I have slipped into a comfort zone with my caloric intake. At some point, I guess I decided that I'd lost a lot of weight and so it was okay for me to start eating ridiculous amounts each day. I became really complacent about how much I was eating and what I was eating. I've managed to overcome it though, which makes me really happy.

2. What risks will you take if you decide today to "break out" of your "comfort zone"?    I've already broken out of my comfort zone.

3. What results and rewards can you see if you make that decision today?    I will continue on the right path towards losing weight and becoming a healthier individual. More energy.

4. Compare the risks of leaving your "comfort zone" with the potential risks and rewards. How do they compare in importance when you think in terms of the rest of your life?    N/A