So I have a few things to note in here, just because I can...
First off, I was doing some filing in the filing room, and Krista came up to me and said,
"There seems to be less of you lately..."
To which I was taken aback, because I thought she meant that I was shoe-less (I kicked my shoes off to do the filing). Then I realized she was talking about my weight loss. She said she's not one to notice these things, but that she did see a difference when we were in our staff meeting today. I could've hugged her - she definitely made my day. THERE IS less of me now... and will be less of me to come!
Secondly, I just looked up my BMI score. Back when I started my weight loss journey or lifestyle change, the heaviest I weighed in at was 280 lbs. According to the BMI, I scored 42.6, which is considered Obese Class III (very severely obese). Last week, I weighed in at 235 lbs, and my new BMI score is 35.7, which falls in the 35 to 40 range, and classifies me as Obese Class II (severely obese). However my new BMI score is dangerously close to falling in the 30 to 35 range, referred to as Obese Class I (moderately obese).
In mere months, I've managed to transform my body enough that I've dropped 6.9 points on the BMI, and have moved from being in the "very severely obese" category to almost fitting in the "moderately obese" category.
Now, this has been incredibly hard work - especially the past week or two. I've struggled with old mentalities and eating habits, I've gone over my calories almost every day, I have been neglecting to do my cardio exercises, I've entirely quit taking my iron and cinnamon supplements, not to mention I haven't been drinking enough water.
I feel crappy and guilty and frustrated and disappointed with my mental sluggishness, and I don't know how to get back to where I was before. I have considered revisiting Phase One's lessons and working my way through them again, as they seemed to really help me get to the root of some of my eating issues.
I've also considered starting the C25K program - which encourages couch potatoes (like me!) to get active by gradually increasing endurance and stamina and transforming said potatoes into runners. I figured that a 3 day/week program could easily be incorporated into my current fitness routine - even though I've been sucking at it massively. I've also purchased a few 5 lb dumbbells to do strengthening and toning workouts with. At the moment, I'm focusing mainly on my back, chest, shoulders and arms, as those are the areas I'd like to gain more tone and definition in at the moment.
Additionally, Josh mentioned switching my routine up a bit. One day for cardio, the next day for pilates/strengthening, repeat. I feel like this might give me an edge on overcoming my fitness slump and encourage me to complete my cardio AND strengthening/toning exercises each week. However, I'm not 100% sold on the idea, so it's been tabled for further review.
Finally, I'm considering buying the B-complex timed-release supplements that the PRISM program encourages you to take during the journey. I don't use any vitamins/supplements at the moment, and I think it might aid me in my digestion and pursuit of this goal.
Lately, I've been a bit frustrated with my body. I see all these areas that need work and how far I have to go, and I feel discouraged because I can't see as amazing of changes as everyone else. It doesn't seem quite as drastic to me, but I do notice the differences. I feel discouraged, because I still have so much weight to lose - and even though I'm halfway to my initial goal, I feel disappointed that I'm only halfway there. I can't wait to look like I envision myself in the future, all toned with smaller thighs and arms and waistline. Unfortunately, the road is long and I still have a hell of a ways to go. I know by the end of the summer that I'll be looking fabulous and the changes will be astonishing, but nevertheless, I'm impatient and the suspense is getting to me. Maybe that's why I'm struggling lately...??
I'm also discouraged with my eating habits. Lately I seem to eat just for the heck of it, not because I'm hungry. I pick at the food in the kitchen and I nibble on snacks that I shouldn't be eating in the first place. I make concessions for myself when we go to our parents' houses for the weekend, and snack on nacho chips and guacamole and treats... not within moderation. Like, it wouldn't be such a big deal if I could do it in a controlled manner. I think I need to revisit the basics... ugh. :(
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
PWLP: Week Ten - Lesson Five
Personal Evaluation
1. Do you have any emotional ties to certain "holiday" foods? If so, which ones? Yes - birthday cake, chips and dips, pumpkin pie, ice cream, etc.
2. How will that holiday change for you if you choose not to eat that food? It will be hard and challenging to participate in the holiday when I am consciously making an effort not to have the 'forbidden' foods, but I think the holiday will still be awesome because I'm with family celebrating!
3. How will today's lesson change your plans for the next holiday celebration? I think that I will be more conscious of celebrating the fact that I'm with family and making the most of our time together, instead of brooding over how I can't have my old favorite foods.
1. Do you have any emotional ties to certain "holiday" foods? If so, which ones? Yes - birthday cake, chips and dips, pumpkin pie, ice cream, etc.
2. How will that holiday change for you if you choose not to eat that food? It will be hard and challenging to participate in the holiday when I am consciously making an effort not to have the 'forbidden' foods, but I think the holiday will still be awesome because I'm with family celebrating!
3. How will today's lesson change your plans for the next holiday celebration? I think that I will be more conscious of celebrating the fact that I'm with family and making the most of our time together, instead of brooding over how I can't have my old favorite foods.
Monday, April 29, 2013
PWLP: Week Ten - Lesson Four
Personal Evaluation
1. Watch thirty minutes of television or listen to the radio for fifteen minutes. How many commercials urged you to eat? Pretty much every commercial pushes food or restaurants or eating on consumers.
2. In the past, how do you think the barrage of commercials has subconsciously defeated your weight loss efforts? In the past, I would sometimes watch TV while exercising on the elliptical. Either during my workout or after I sat down, the commercials would urge me to go and find something sweet and sugary to eat, which would basically completely blow my entire workout.
3. How will you benefit by resisting the urge to "take a break"? In taking a break, I take the chance of falling into bad habits or patterns from before starting PRISM. I might realize that it's easier to live the way I did before, and in doing so, will throw in the towel on this lifestyle. By refusing to take a break, I'm overcoming another challenge in my life and showing myself that I am a slave to no one, but rather that I make my body my slave and it obeys me.
1. Watch thirty minutes of television or listen to the radio for fifteen minutes. How many commercials urged you to eat? Pretty much every commercial pushes food or restaurants or eating on consumers.
2. In the past, how do you think the barrage of commercials has subconsciously defeated your weight loss efforts? In the past, I would sometimes watch TV while exercising on the elliptical. Either during my workout or after I sat down, the commercials would urge me to go and find something sweet and sugary to eat, which would basically completely blow my entire workout.
3. How will you benefit by resisting the urge to "take a break"? In taking a break, I take the chance of falling into bad habits or patterns from before starting PRISM. I might realize that it's easier to live the way I did before, and in doing so, will throw in the towel on this lifestyle. By refusing to take a break, I'm overcoming another challenge in my life and showing myself that I am a slave to no one, but rather that I make my body my slave and it obeys me.
PWLP: Week Ten - Lesson Three
Personal Evaluation
1. When was the last time someone confronted you about your weight loss efforts? What feelings did you experience? A client at my work made some comments about how I looked the other day - she was complimenting my figure and asking me about what I was doing. I felt so proud and super excited about her curiosity. I love sharing about the PRISM program, and I find that that's a fabulous opportunity to do so.
2. As you think back to the above situation, how do you think the other person was feeling? I think that she felt guilty and frustrated with herself. She kept making comments about how she had weight to lose and how she wanted to be able to do the same thing I was doing, but was unable to because of her lifestyle.
3. How did you react to their statements or questions? Did your reaction or responses affect your dialogue in a positive or negative way? How? I responded positively and with encouragement. I tried to make my responses seem encouraging and like anyone could do it, regardless of their lifestyle - and despite my best efforts, I think she wasn't really open to the changes I've made in my life. She seemed to think that this lifestyle would be too difficult to maintain.
4. What did you learn from this experience? That other people are envious of me - in the way that I look and in the way that I'm living my life. I don't mean that in a cocky way - I mean that the way I'm living my life is inspiring and makes others curious and inquisitive as to the changes I've made.
5. How have others' comments or questions contributed to your failure in past weight loss efforts? How can your future RESPONSES ensure that this will not happen again? When people seem frustrated with the inconveniences my diet makes, I tended to want to throw in the towel early on my weight loss efforts. In the future, I know that other people say things sometimes because they don't know how else to respond and/or they are jealous/envious of my success or changes.
1. When was the last time someone confronted you about your weight loss efforts? What feelings did you experience? A client at my work made some comments about how I looked the other day - she was complimenting my figure and asking me about what I was doing. I felt so proud and super excited about her curiosity. I love sharing about the PRISM program, and I find that that's a fabulous opportunity to do so.
2. As you think back to the above situation, how do you think the other person was feeling? I think that she felt guilty and frustrated with herself. She kept making comments about how she had weight to lose and how she wanted to be able to do the same thing I was doing, but was unable to because of her lifestyle.
3. How did you react to their statements or questions? Did your reaction or responses affect your dialogue in a positive or negative way? How? I responded positively and with encouragement. I tried to make my responses seem encouraging and like anyone could do it, regardless of their lifestyle - and despite my best efforts, I think she wasn't really open to the changes I've made in my life. She seemed to think that this lifestyle would be too difficult to maintain.
4. What did you learn from this experience? That other people are envious of me - in the way that I look and in the way that I'm living my life. I don't mean that in a cocky way - I mean that the way I'm living my life is inspiring and makes others curious and inquisitive as to the changes I've made.
5. How have others' comments or questions contributed to your failure in past weight loss efforts? How can your future RESPONSES ensure that this will not happen again? When people seem frustrated with the inconveniences my diet makes, I tended to want to throw in the towel early on my weight loss efforts. In the future, I know that other people say things sometimes because they don't know how else to respond and/or they are jealous/envious of my success or changes.
Saturday, April 27, 2013
PWLP: Week Ten - Lesson Two
Personal Evaluation
1. Which social occasions in the last ten weeks stand out in your memory? Easter dinner 2013 at the Ulmers was an incredibly difficult social gathering for me. As well as my sister's 20th birthday party at my parents' house. I also remember the Grapefruit baseball tournament this weekend, as well as Easter dinner 2013 at my Auntie Trish's house. The last two events were moments of pride for me as I exhibited my new and transforming body.
2. In addition to the fun or excitement, were you looking forward to these occasions because you had lost weight? Yes, I was. It's a super exciting time to see people I haven't seen in a while, and take in their reactions to my changing self.
3. Before the events, were you concerned about what you would eat? What were your greatest fears? I wouldn't say that I was 'worried' about what I would eat - but I am apprehensive and cautious. I make sure to bring extra 'snacks' for myself, in case there are other foods/desserts that I won't be permitted to eat. I always worry about people being overly apologetic because I can't eat the foods they prepare - I don't like to cause a scene and be the center of attention because of the lifestyle change I'm making. I want people to respect my need for different foods, and to let me handle preparing and bringing them for myself. I don't want to burden others.
4. Did you anticipate questions from others regarding your obvious weight loss? In what ways were you apprehensive? In what ways were you excited? Yes, I always anticipate questions about my weight loss now - I almost feel disappointed when people don't ask or notice. I am always apprehensive when I have to describe the guidelines of the program I'm using - because most people aren't very receptive to the restrictions that I follow on a daily basis. In other ways, I'm so excited to share my success and this program with anyone who is willing to listen. I think it's incredibly beneficial for anyone who needs to get in shape or take their health into their own hands.
5. Did you feel pressure about your eating choices other than from your own desires? From whom or where did it come? I always feel an unspoken pressure, especially at birthday parties or family gatherings. It's just natural/normal to get together and binge eat. The unspoken pressure of the past and traditions weighs heavily on me, and I'm often thankful for my husband's help in avoiding compromising situations.
6. Were you tempted to go ahead and eat just to appear "normal"? How did that make you feel? I did this today - and it made me feel terrible, physically and mentally. I overate wayyyyy too much guacamole and chips, and I felt like crap afterwards. I don't know if I can be trusted with that at the moment, because I just abuse it. I don't consciously do this to feel/appear 'normal,' but I know subconsciously that's part of the reason why I do it.
7. What do you think motivates others to question your food choices? Why do you think others "push" food at you? I think others question my food choices because they are curious and inquisitive as to how the program works and how it's working for me. I think that everyone's curious to know if they could do it too and what they could gain from undertaking such a program. Additionally, I think that some people push food at me because they're jealous of my success, or because they want to see how strong my resolve is to remain on the program.
8. How does understanding this motivation better prepare you to respond to them in a loving manner rather than being resentful? It allows me to see them as people who are struggling as well. They need my love and patience, just as I need love and patience as I'm going through the program. Even if someone doesn't appear to be struggling with weight/health (in my mind), they can be struggling immensely and my success could be motivating someone to make a change or consider an alternative way of life.
1. Which social occasions in the last ten weeks stand out in your memory? Easter dinner 2013 at the Ulmers was an incredibly difficult social gathering for me. As well as my sister's 20th birthday party at my parents' house. I also remember the Grapefruit baseball tournament this weekend, as well as Easter dinner 2013 at my Auntie Trish's house. The last two events were moments of pride for me as I exhibited my new and transforming body.
2. In addition to the fun or excitement, were you looking forward to these occasions because you had lost weight? Yes, I was. It's a super exciting time to see people I haven't seen in a while, and take in their reactions to my changing self.
3. Before the events, were you concerned about what you would eat? What were your greatest fears? I wouldn't say that I was 'worried' about what I would eat - but I am apprehensive and cautious. I make sure to bring extra 'snacks' for myself, in case there are other foods/desserts that I won't be permitted to eat. I always worry about people being overly apologetic because I can't eat the foods they prepare - I don't like to cause a scene and be the center of attention because of the lifestyle change I'm making. I want people to respect my need for different foods, and to let me handle preparing and bringing them for myself. I don't want to burden others.
4. Did you anticipate questions from others regarding your obvious weight loss? In what ways were you apprehensive? In what ways were you excited? Yes, I always anticipate questions about my weight loss now - I almost feel disappointed when people don't ask or notice. I am always apprehensive when I have to describe the guidelines of the program I'm using - because most people aren't very receptive to the restrictions that I follow on a daily basis. In other ways, I'm so excited to share my success and this program with anyone who is willing to listen. I think it's incredibly beneficial for anyone who needs to get in shape or take their health into their own hands.
5. Did you feel pressure about your eating choices other than from your own desires? From whom or where did it come? I always feel an unspoken pressure, especially at birthday parties or family gatherings. It's just natural/normal to get together and binge eat. The unspoken pressure of the past and traditions weighs heavily on me, and I'm often thankful for my husband's help in avoiding compromising situations.
6. Were you tempted to go ahead and eat just to appear "normal"? How did that make you feel? I did this today - and it made me feel terrible, physically and mentally. I overate wayyyyy too much guacamole and chips, and I felt like crap afterwards. I don't know if I can be trusted with that at the moment, because I just abuse it. I don't consciously do this to feel/appear 'normal,' but I know subconsciously that's part of the reason why I do it.
7. What do you think motivates others to question your food choices? Why do you think others "push" food at you? I think others question my food choices because they are curious and inquisitive as to how the program works and how it's working for me. I think that everyone's curious to know if they could do it too and what they could gain from undertaking such a program. Additionally, I think that some people push food at me because they're jealous of my success, or because they want to see how strong my resolve is to remain on the program.
8. How does understanding this motivation better prepare you to respond to them in a loving manner rather than being resentful? It allows me to see them as people who are struggling as well. They need my love and patience, just as I need love and patience as I'm going through the program. Even if someone doesn't appear to be struggling with weight/health (in my mind), they can be struggling immensely and my success could be motivating someone to make a change or consider an alternative way of life.
PWLP: Week Ten - Lesson One
Personal Evaluation
1. In what ways have you celebrated reaching your "goal" in past diets? I always celebrated with a celebratory meal or treat - maybe I'd bake some brownies, or have a glass of rum and coke. Maybe we'd have a pizza for dinner, or perhaps we'd go out to celebrate.
2. Do you see a connection between your celebration and gaining your weight back? How? If not, why? Yes, I do. I can't reward my weight loss and my success in this program with food. Food is for fuel. It should not be used as a treat or a reward or a pat on the back. That's what people and experiences are for. Food can taste good and be a pleasurable experience, but it's not a what I choose to reward myself with (anymore).
3. Have friends or family approached you about what you are going to eat after you complete this program? Who has approached you and what did they say? How did you respond? My family has approached me about what will happen after I finish PRISM and how I will live in the real world after that. I responded by telling them how I'll likely maintain a 'clean eating' lifestyle long after I finish PRISM. I really appreciate what the dietary restrictions/guidelines have done/are doing in my life, and I really don't want to change that after I'm done. Will I be doing the lessons in the workbook every day? No. But I will want to carry with me these beneficial and life-saving dietary guidelines long after I finish losing the weight I need to to become the true me.
4. How WILL you celebrate reaching your "right weight"? I've started a Pandora charm bracelet with my sister. After we reach some fitness/weight loss goals, we buy ourselves a new charm. Perhaps I will buy a new charm for myself when I reach my right weight. I will probably also do a lot of clothes shopping for my new body. Maybe I will treat myself with a better food scale, or a fancier HRM.
1. In what ways have you celebrated reaching your "goal" in past diets? I always celebrated with a celebratory meal or treat - maybe I'd bake some brownies, or have a glass of rum and coke. Maybe we'd have a pizza for dinner, or perhaps we'd go out to celebrate.
2. Do you see a connection between your celebration and gaining your weight back? How? If not, why? Yes, I do. I can't reward my weight loss and my success in this program with food. Food is for fuel. It should not be used as a treat or a reward or a pat on the back. That's what people and experiences are for. Food can taste good and be a pleasurable experience, but it's not a what I choose to reward myself with (anymore).
3. Have friends or family approached you about what you are going to eat after you complete this program? Who has approached you and what did they say? How did you respond? My family has approached me about what will happen after I finish PRISM and how I will live in the real world after that. I responded by telling them how I'll likely maintain a 'clean eating' lifestyle long after I finish PRISM. I really appreciate what the dietary restrictions/guidelines have done/are doing in my life, and I really don't want to change that after I'm done. Will I be doing the lessons in the workbook every day? No. But I will want to carry with me these beneficial and life-saving dietary guidelines long after I finish losing the weight I need to to become the true me.
4. How WILL you celebrate reaching your "right weight"? I've started a Pandora charm bracelet with my sister. After we reach some fitness/weight loss goals, we buy ourselves a new charm. Perhaps I will buy a new charm for myself when I reach my right weight. I will probably also do a lot of clothes shopping for my new body. Maybe I will treat myself with a better food scale, or a fancier HRM.
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
PWLP: Week Nine - Lesson Six
Personal Evaluation
1. Have you had a recent experience when you were noticed or admired? Explain what happened and how you felt. The other day when we were going to bed, my husband told me that he'd noticed I had lost a lot of weight. I asked him how he knew, and he told me that when he puts his arms around me I feel smaller. I felt amazing, because that is one of the goals on my list to achieve with my weight loss. I want to be smaller and fit better in his arms. I was on cloud nine afterwards.
2. List some positive emotions you have when people admire or recognize you. How do these emotions help motivate you? I feel proud and strong when people admire me - like my hard work is paying off. I feel sexy and better looking - as I see myself fit better in my clothes (or worse, depending on the article of clothing). These emotions make me strive to feel more proud and strong and sexy... I love the way being admired/recognized makes me feel, so I keep trying to feel that way always.
3. List some negative emotions you have when people admire or recognize you. Do these emotions cause you to wonder if it is all worth it? How can your Agreement of Resolution help you endure these times of doubt? Sometimes I feel discouraged when people don't notice my success, or when they tell me that I look good and I don't need to lose any more weight. It makes me feel like other people don't like encouraging me to succeed. Or they don't want to see me succeed and achieve my ultimate goal. I don't like other people telling me what's healthy for me or good for me. I want their support. I also struggle to feel happy when people aren't supportive of my lifestyle changes either - it makes me feel like a lesser person, like they know how to live healthy better than me.
1. Have you had a recent experience when you were noticed or admired? Explain what happened and how you felt. The other day when we were going to bed, my husband told me that he'd noticed I had lost a lot of weight. I asked him how he knew, and he told me that when he puts his arms around me I feel smaller. I felt amazing, because that is one of the goals on my list to achieve with my weight loss. I want to be smaller and fit better in his arms. I was on cloud nine afterwards.
2. List some positive emotions you have when people admire or recognize you. How do these emotions help motivate you? I feel proud and strong when people admire me - like my hard work is paying off. I feel sexy and better looking - as I see myself fit better in my clothes (or worse, depending on the article of clothing). These emotions make me strive to feel more proud and strong and sexy... I love the way being admired/recognized makes me feel, so I keep trying to feel that way always.
3. List some negative emotions you have when people admire or recognize you. Do these emotions cause you to wonder if it is all worth it? How can your Agreement of Resolution help you endure these times of doubt? Sometimes I feel discouraged when people don't notice my success, or when they tell me that I look good and I don't need to lose any more weight. It makes me feel like other people don't like encouraging me to succeed. Or they don't want to see me succeed and achieve my ultimate goal. I don't like other people telling me what's healthy for me or good for me. I want their support. I also struggle to feel happy when people aren't supportive of my lifestyle changes either - it makes me feel like a lesser person, like they know how to live healthy better than me.
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
PWLP: Week Nine - Lesson Five
Personal Evaluation
1. How many different sizes of clothing do you currently have in your closet? I currently just have two sizes - my biggest size and some of the clothes I've recently purchased that are closer to my current size. I will be getting rid of my 'fat' clothes when I take my other stuff to Goodwill, because I don't want the reminder in my house.
2. When you look at those larger sizes, what memories and feelings do you have? I feel shame and pride. I feel shame for how bad things got, but I also feel pride for how far I've come. I don't want to have them around as a reminder of all that I came from... I don't want to have that 'safety net' around.
3. How does giving away clothes to those less fortunate than yourself make you feel? It makes me feel awesome. I can help others while helping myself. It will be a fabulous use of something that makes me feel frustrated and is now a part of my past.
4. Go through your closet this week using the following guide:
a. If you have not worn the garment for more than two years it should be given away.
b. If you will not wear it within a year from now it should be given away.
c. If you feel great in it but it does not fit as it should, take it to someone who can alter it.
1. How many different sizes of clothing do you currently have in your closet? I currently just have two sizes - my biggest size and some of the clothes I've recently purchased that are closer to my current size. I will be getting rid of my 'fat' clothes when I take my other stuff to Goodwill, because I don't want the reminder in my house.
2. When you look at those larger sizes, what memories and feelings do you have? I feel shame and pride. I feel shame for how bad things got, but I also feel pride for how far I've come. I don't want to have them around as a reminder of all that I came from... I don't want to have that 'safety net' around.
3. How does giving away clothes to those less fortunate than yourself make you feel? It makes me feel awesome. I can help others while helping myself. It will be a fabulous use of something that makes me feel frustrated and is now a part of my past.
4. Go through your closet this week using the following guide:
a. If you have not worn the garment for more than two years it should be given away.
b. If you will not wear it within a year from now it should be given away.
c. If you feel great in it but it does not fit as it should, take it to someone who can alter it.
Monday, April 22, 2013
PWLP: Week Nine - Lesson Four
"Like the butterfly, you know the foods which best compliment your lifestyle as the TRUE YOU." (Pg. 58)
Personal Evaluation
My husband is a very slender person - granted, he is a man. Still, I notice that the way he eats is not at all like the way I eat. My husband eats in a very controlled and slow manner like he is savoring every bite. He chews his food thoroughly and takes time to ponder before going back to get more food after he's finished his first plate. He doesn't heap his plate full of food on the first round, but takes a reasonable amount and builds upon it when he dishes up seconds (and maybe even thirds). My husband rarely (if ever) binge eats and he can usually always turn away a treat if he's full from a previous meal. He does not live 'meal-to-meal' but eats when he's hungry and doesn't stuff himself to the point of feeling sick (very often).
My friend Joana eats very similarly. She orders food from a restaurant and eats what she can, but often leaves a half a plate (if not more) uneaten at the end of our dinner dates. She doesn't shovel food into her mouth, but takes slow controlled mouthfuls. She usually texts or talks in between bites, and takes the time to 'feel full.'
In a similar way, I must also use these same 'rules of thumb' in my own life to train myself not to eat like a crazy monster and really savor my meals so that I can feel full before I've overstuffed myself. For example, taking time to eat my food - putting my fork down between bites, eating with chopsticks instead of traditional silverware, chewing my food thoroughly, etc. Taking a small first portion of food and going back for reasonable seconds if need be. Talking between bites to prolong the meal.
Personal Evaluation
My husband is a very slender person - granted, he is a man. Still, I notice that the way he eats is not at all like the way I eat. My husband eats in a very controlled and slow manner like he is savoring every bite. He chews his food thoroughly and takes time to ponder before going back to get more food after he's finished his first plate. He doesn't heap his plate full of food on the first round, but takes a reasonable amount and builds upon it when he dishes up seconds (and maybe even thirds). My husband rarely (if ever) binge eats and he can usually always turn away a treat if he's full from a previous meal. He does not live 'meal-to-meal' but eats when he's hungry and doesn't stuff himself to the point of feeling sick (very often).
My friend Joana eats very similarly. She orders food from a restaurant and eats what she can, but often leaves a half a plate (if not more) uneaten at the end of our dinner dates. She doesn't shovel food into her mouth, but takes slow controlled mouthfuls. She usually texts or talks in between bites, and takes the time to 'feel full.'
In a similar way, I must also use these same 'rules of thumb' in my own life to train myself not to eat like a crazy monster and really savor my meals so that I can feel full before I've overstuffed myself. For example, taking time to eat my food - putting my fork down between bites, eating with chopsticks instead of traditional silverware, chewing my food thoroughly, etc. Taking a small first portion of food and going back for reasonable seconds if need be. Talking between bites to prolong the meal.
PWLP: Week Nine - Lesson Three
Personal Evaluation
1. List three things you are doing daily to place your TRUE YOU image in your subconscious mind. I try to look at my TRUE YOU picture at least once a day. I look in the mirror frequently and try to envision myself the way I should be. I try to exercise daily to keep me on track to becoming the TRUE me I was intended to be.
2. Have you been tempted to get on the scale? What do you believe is the cause of this temptation? Yes, I have. Especially today. I don't know what the cause of it is... I want to know how successful I've been in light of my slip ups and non-adherence to the strict guidelines some days. When my belt doesn't go any tighter, it makes me wonder if I'm still losing weight at all, or if I've plateaued out...
3. How can you use your answers to question two to deal with and overcome this temptation? I'm not 100% sure, to be honest. In some cases, I still want to weigh at 3 weeks in to see how I'm doing. I know the mentality behind not weighing, but at the same time, I sort of disagree with the mentality/logic of it. I think that in some cases, progress is documented by what the scale tells you - especially in a health sense. It's not just how I'm living that is getting me on the track towards healthy, it's also how much weight and inches I'm able to lose to put me in a less risky category with regards to my health.
1. List three things you are doing daily to place your TRUE YOU image in your subconscious mind. I try to look at my TRUE YOU picture at least once a day. I look in the mirror frequently and try to envision myself the way I should be. I try to exercise daily to keep me on track to becoming the TRUE me I was intended to be.
2. Have you been tempted to get on the scale? What do you believe is the cause of this temptation? Yes, I have. Especially today. I don't know what the cause of it is... I want to know how successful I've been in light of my slip ups and non-adherence to the strict guidelines some days. When my belt doesn't go any tighter, it makes me wonder if I'm still losing weight at all, or if I've plateaued out...
3. How can you use your answers to question two to deal with and overcome this temptation? I'm not 100% sure, to be honest. In some cases, I still want to weigh at 3 weeks in to see how I'm doing. I know the mentality behind not weighing, but at the same time, I sort of disagree with the mentality/logic of it. I think that in some cases, progress is documented by what the scale tells you - especially in a health sense. It's not just how I'm living that is getting me on the track towards healthy, it's also how much weight and inches I'm able to lose to put me in a less risky category with regards to my health.
Saturday, April 20, 2013
PWLP: Week Nine - Lesson Two
Personal Evaluation
1. How has the attention from others in the last few weeks affected your attitude toward adherence to the program guidelines? Like the example in the lesson, I feel a lot more lenient towards the guidelines of the program since getting more and more compliments. Several times I've made comments like "Oh, it'll be okay for me to cheat this one time..." Fortunately, I haven't acted on these statements, but it discourages me that I am beginning to slack off on the guidelines, as I feel like I 'deserve' it. I feel like I look amazing and feel amazing, and maybe it's the end of the journey for me - maybe I could stop now and be okay. And yet, I know that I have a long way to go yet...
2. Compare the changes you see in the mirror with those you see happening within you. I feel a lot of inner turmoil within me, actually. The changes in the mirror are wonderful, but at the same time, I still see a lot of work to be done. Same with the changes happening inside me, I notice that while I have grown leaps and bounds since starting the program, I also have a huge amount of growing and learning to do. Unfortunately, both the physical and emotional changes will take a significant amount of time. I've done a lot of damage to my body and mind and must take a lot of time to heal these wounds.
3. Describe your feelings when you read your answers to questions one and two. I feel discouraged and disappointed. I thought by now this program would've gotten easier and it would be natural for me to continue on the road as planned. I'd do my lessons every day and learn more and more, but I wouldn't struggle with this lifestyle change at all. Yet, every day I undergo a mental battle where I have to actively choose to live this way and follow the guidelines to the letter. I feel like I cheat myself from reaping the benefits of the program when I don't adhere to the guidelines all the way. I struggle to feel optimistic when I see all the work I have left to do, and I don't know how to measure my progress when I'm not adhering to the guidelines as strictly as I should.
4. Read your Agreement of Resolution. How is your commitment helping you develop new attitudes for lasting change? As I continue on this journey, I know that I am making huge changes in my mind and in my body. Despite the challenges, I know that the longer I do this program, the better and the longer lasting the results will be. I will struggle with feeling discouraged and worn out, but I know that I am better off staying on this program than trying to do it on my own.
1. How has the attention from others in the last few weeks affected your attitude toward adherence to the program guidelines? Like the example in the lesson, I feel a lot more lenient towards the guidelines of the program since getting more and more compliments. Several times I've made comments like "Oh, it'll be okay for me to cheat this one time..." Fortunately, I haven't acted on these statements, but it discourages me that I am beginning to slack off on the guidelines, as I feel like I 'deserve' it. I feel like I look amazing and feel amazing, and maybe it's the end of the journey for me - maybe I could stop now and be okay. And yet, I know that I have a long way to go yet...
2. Compare the changes you see in the mirror with those you see happening within you. I feel a lot of inner turmoil within me, actually. The changes in the mirror are wonderful, but at the same time, I still see a lot of work to be done. Same with the changes happening inside me, I notice that while I have grown leaps and bounds since starting the program, I also have a huge amount of growing and learning to do. Unfortunately, both the physical and emotional changes will take a significant amount of time. I've done a lot of damage to my body and mind and must take a lot of time to heal these wounds.
3. Describe your feelings when you read your answers to questions one and two. I feel discouraged and disappointed. I thought by now this program would've gotten easier and it would be natural for me to continue on the road as planned. I'd do my lessons every day and learn more and more, but I wouldn't struggle with this lifestyle change at all. Yet, every day I undergo a mental battle where I have to actively choose to live this way and follow the guidelines to the letter. I feel like I cheat myself from reaping the benefits of the program when I don't adhere to the guidelines all the way. I struggle to feel optimistic when I see all the work I have left to do, and I don't know how to measure my progress when I'm not adhering to the guidelines as strictly as I should.
4. Read your Agreement of Resolution. How is your commitment helping you develop new attitudes for lasting change? As I continue on this journey, I know that I am making huge changes in my mind and in my body. Despite the challenges, I know that the longer I do this program, the better and the longer lasting the results will be. I will struggle with feeling discouraged and worn out, but I know that I am better off staying on this program than trying to do it on my own.
Friday, April 19, 2013
PWLP: Week Nine - Lesson One
Personal Evaluation
1. When you walk quickly by your reflection, how do you feel about what you see? I feel awesome! I know that every day I like more and more of what I see, especially when it's just a reflection passing by.
2. In what ways do you see the most change physically? Emotionally? I notice that my clothes are fitting differently. My coats, shirts, pants, underwear, and even my shoes, are fitting loosely, and in some cases uncomfortably. I've noticed that my stomach has flattened, and I can look down the length of my body and see my toes when standing straight. Emotionally, I've noticed that I'm slightly more well-rounded. I have a more enthusiastic personality, and I feel more optimistic in general. I'm also a little more hard on myself, because I hold myself to greater accountability and standards than I did before starting PRISM.
3. How does the TRUE YOU mirror help you to feel more comfortable about these changes? I see these changes as just the start of many more changes to come. The TRUE YOU mirror allows me to see how my transformation is gradual - a process. I'm nowhere near the image captured in my TRUE YOU mirror, but I'm definitely on the way there.
4. If you have been at your right body size before, what positive or negative memories does that experience carry? Do these memories affect how you feel about the TRUE YOU? N/A
5. What are some of the positive changes you can and should make in your personal appearance? Think about why you have no made some of these changes. What steps can you take today to begin to LIVE the TRUE YOU? I need to replace my wardrobe, slowly and gradually. A lot of my clothes aren't fitting anymore, and the best way to adapt to my changing body is by getting rid of my "fat" clothes and bringing in newer, better fitting clothes so that I don't end up hating my new body because I look bad in the clothes I have to wear. Additionally, I need to start toning my muscles and building lean muscle, and by getting back into pilates, I can transform the shape of my body by completing exercises every day - designed to tone up and shape my body the way it's supposed to be.
1. When you walk quickly by your reflection, how do you feel about what you see? I feel awesome! I know that every day I like more and more of what I see, especially when it's just a reflection passing by.
2. In what ways do you see the most change physically? Emotionally? I notice that my clothes are fitting differently. My coats, shirts, pants, underwear, and even my shoes, are fitting loosely, and in some cases uncomfortably. I've noticed that my stomach has flattened, and I can look down the length of my body and see my toes when standing straight. Emotionally, I've noticed that I'm slightly more well-rounded. I have a more enthusiastic personality, and I feel more optimistic in general. I'm also a little more hard on myself, because I hold myself to greater accountability and standards than I did before starting PRISM.
3. How does the TRUE YOU mirror help you to feel more comfortable about these changes? I see these changes as just the start of many more changes to come. The TRUE YOU mirror allows me to see how my transformation is gradual - a process. I'm nowhere near the image captured in my TRUE YOU mirror, but I'm definitely on the way there.
4. If you have been at your right body size before, what positive or negative memories does that experience carry? Do these memories affect how you feel about the TRUE YOU? N/A
5. What are some of the positive changes you can and should make in your personal appearance? Think about why you have no made some of these changes. What steps can you take today to begin to LIVE the TRUE YOU? I need to replace my wardrobe, slowly and gradually. A lot of my clothes aren't fitting anymore, and the best way to adapt to my changing body is by getting rid of my "fat" clothes and bringing in newer, better fitting clothes so that I don't end up hating my new body because I look bad in the clothes I have to wear. Additionally, I need to start toning my muscles and building lean muscle, and by getting back into pilates, I can transform the shape of my body by completing exercises every day - designed to tone up and shape my body the way it's supposed to be.
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
PWLP: Week Eight - Lesson Six
Rate yourself honestly on a scale of 0 to 5 (0 being low) on the discipline you have demonstrated in following the program guidelines and actions below:
3 I read my daily lesson in its entirety and complete the personal evaluation questions
1 I look at my "right weight" scale and my TRUE YOU mirror at least twice a day
5 I weigh and accurately measure ALL the food I consume whenever possible
5 I try to avoid situations where I have to "guesstimate" my calories
5 When I am unsure of the calorie count of a certain food, I look it up... on MyFitnessPal
0 I listen to my audio cassette tape of "Transformation" and the Verbal Affirmations, and I read my own "Personal Affirmation" on a daily basis
4 I keep an accurate, honest total of my daily calories
If your score was:
30 to 35 - Congratulations! You are on the road to lasting transformation.
20 to 29 - You are beginning to slide. Change your attitude and get back on the road!
15 to 19 - Speak with your leader/accountability partner before it is too late!
less than 14 - Re-evaluate your commitment. Consult your Agreement of Resolution. Do you really want to succeed? See your leader/accountability partner immediately!
3 I read my daily lesson in its entirety and complete the personal evaluation questions
1 I look at my "right weight" scale and my TRUE YOU mirror at least twice a day
5 I weigh and accurately measure ALL the food I consume whenever possible
5 I try to avoid situations where I have to "guesstimate" my calories
5 When I am unsure of the calorie count of a certain food, I look it up... on MyFitnessPal
0 I listen to my audio cassette tape of "Transformation" and the Verbal Affirmations, and I read my own "Personal Affirmation" on a daily basis
4 I keep an accurate, honest total of my daily calories
If your score was:
30 to 35 - Congratulations! You are on the road to lasting transformation.
20 to 29 - You are beginning to slide. Change your attitude and get back on the road!
15 to 19 - Speak with your leader/accountability partner before it is too late!
less than 14 - Re-evaluate your commitment. Consult your Agreement of Resolution. Do you really want to succeed? See your leader/accountability partner immediately!
Monday, April 15, 2013
Daily Diary: April 15, 2013
So, it's been a while since last I posted a personal 'journal entry' on here. And I feel like, to some degree, I'm losing my drive for all of this. Not that I'm quitting - please do not confuse me here. I'm still committed to this lifestyle and the changes I've made... I just notice myself getting lazier and cheating the program guidelines a little.
Mostly, I recently cut my calories back to the recommended 1200/day, after I broke 250 lbs; however, I seem to be struggling with keeping myself accountable at that 1200 calories. I usually give myself a hundred calorie buffer - anywhere between 1200-1300 calories is acceptable, and while I do think that's completely reasonable, I just notice myself leaning further towards the 1300 mark every day. It's almost as if I'm trying to get as close to 1300 calories as I can without actually going over. And the thing that bums me out so much with that, is that's how the OLD me used to think. I'd try to squeeze every last drop of food that I could into my day, and I feel like I'm doing the same thing here. What's incredibly frustrating is that, if I'm actually that hungry or that needy for food in my system, I should be cramming myself full of vegetables and fruits - those things that have relatively little caloric value but pack a big nutritional punch. I notice myself eyeballing the more unhealthy options of allowable food more often than not, especially when it comes to protein. Additionally, I've noticed myself looking forward to eating bread - which absolutely petrifies me. I don't want to become addicted. I want to have a piece, be satisfied and then move on. I don't want to be consumed with thinking about how I can get another piece of bread into my meals. For that reason, I've decided that I'll be allowed 1 serving of bread a day (sandwich bread or whole-wheat tortillas), except on special occasions... and even then, I don't know when I'd need more than a serving of bread a day.
Additionally, I've noticed myself losing momentum with my exercising. Maybe it's just me, but this is definitely hard work. If I let myself have a 'day off,' I almost immediately revert to being a couch potato. Today, I dragged myself on the elliptical for 5 minutes, but the whole time the voice in the back of my head kept taunting me like, "Feel that twinge in your ankle? Oh, it's getting ready to hurt man. You better not overdo it here... oh! And there goes your knee too. No one's going to discredit you for trying - at least you did a minute instead of no minutes... Right?" And the whole time, I'm entertaining these thoughts, but in reality, nothing's wrong with me, and the exercise is what I need.
I'm also bummed out with my water intake lately. I've barely been making it over the 8 cups a day mark, and I'm not sure why. I definitely don't want to push myself over 12 cups a day... 14 at absolute max. In any event, I'm struggling to get those 8 in, and I can feel myself being dehydrated and more cranky. Maybe it's because I haven't been using my plastic glass that Eliza gave me at work... I've been drinking out of these stupid plastic water bottles, and while it's convenient to track my water consumption - I don't think it's as good tasting or something as water out of a clean glass.
All in all, I'm frustrated with myself. I feel like I'm not progressing at all - like I've plateaued, and it's discouraging. I want to feel like I'm making changes still, not like I've hit the bottom and this is as far as I can go. It's in moments like this where I entertain the fear that maybe I will be fat forever. Maybe I won't be able to lose all this weight, and maybe nothing is changing anyways.
And yet, I'm still curious to see where this takes me. I just need to recommit and refocus. I need to get back on track with my eating, be more creative with my food choices - keep myself interested, and get back to exercising again. I need to find a goal and work towards it so that I don't get discouraged with the results that I am seeing. I need to focus more often on my TRUE ME picture, and remind myself of why I started in the first place...
Ugh, this is so hard.
Mostly, I recently cut my calories back to the recommended 1200/day, after I broke 250 lbs; however, I seem to be struggling with keeping myself accountable at that 1200 calories. I usually give myself a hundred calorie buffer - anywhere between 1200-1300 calories is acceptable, and while I do think that's completely reasonable, I just notice myself leaning further towards the 1300 mark every day. It's almost as if I'm trying to get as close to 1300 calories as I can without actually going over. And the thing that bums me out so much with that, is that's how the OLD me used to think. I'd try to squeeze every last drop of food that I could into my day, and I feel like I'm doing the same thing here. What's incredibly frustrating is that, if I'm actually that hungry or that needy for food in my system, I should be cramming myself full of vegetables and fruits - those things that have relatively little caloric value but pack a big nutritional punch. I notice myself eyeballing the more unhealthy options of allowable food more often than not, especially when it comes to protein. Additionally, I've noticed myself looking forward to eating bread - which absolutely petrifies me. I don't want to become addicted. I want to have a piece, be satisfied and then move on. I don't want to be consumed with thinking about how I can get another piece of bread into my meals. For that reason, I've decided that I'll be allowed 1 serving of bread a day (sandwich bread or whole-wheat tortillas), except on special occasions... and even then, I don't know when I'd need more than a serving of bread a day.
Additionally, I've noticed myself losing momentum with my exercising. Maybe it's just me, but this is definitely hard work. If I let myself have a 'day off,' I almost immediately revert to being a couch potato. Today, I dragged myself on the elliptical for 5 minutes, but the whole time the voice in the back of my head kept taunting me like, "Feel that twinge in your ankle? Oh, it's getting ready to hurt man. You better not overdo it here... oh! And there goes your knee too. No one's going to discredit you for trying - at least you did a minute instead of no minutes... Right?" And the whole time, I'm entertaining these thoughts, but in reality, nothing's wrong with me, and the exercise is what I need.
I'm also bummed out with my water intake lately. I've barely been making it over the 8 cups a day mark, and I'm not sure why. I definitely don't want to push myself over 12 cups a day... 14 at absolute max. In any event, I'm struggling to get those 8 in, and I can feel myself being dehydrated and more cranky. Maybe it's because I haven't been using my plastic glass that Eliza gave me at work... I've been drinking out of these stupid plastic water bottles, and while it's convenient to track my water consumption - I don't think it's as good tasting or something as water out of a clean glass.
All in all, I'm frustrated with myself. I feel like I'm not progressing at all - like I've plateaued, and it's discouraging. I want to feel like I'm making changes still, not like I've hit the bottom and this is as far as I can go. It's in moments like this where I entertain the fear that maybe I will be fat forever. Maybe I won't be able to lose all this weight, and maybe nothing is changing anyways.
And yet, I'm still curious to see where this takes me. I just need to recommit and refocus. I need to get back on track with my eating, be more creative with my food choices - keep myself interested, and get back to exercising again. I need to find a goal and work towards it so that I don't get discouraged with the results that I am seeing. I need to focus more often on my TRUE ME picture, and remind myself of why I started in the first place...
Ugh, this is so hard.
PWLP: Week Eight - Lesson Four
Personal Evaluation
1. If you have asked yourself some of the questions referred to in today's lesson, how will you deal with those fears? I will keep pursuing this program, and keep working towards becoming the true me. I don't have to give up or give in - my adherence to the program and it's guidelines will help me achieve all of my goals and reach the end.
2. Have you found a tendency to turn to "eating" when faced with some of these fears? If so, did eating ease your fears? Did it make them worse? Yes, I have felt the tendency to turn to food when I was faced with these fears. In the past, when I turned to food for comfort, it never eased the fears I had, moreover, it increased my fears in that I felt guilty and ashamed for using food for the wrong reasons, and it made me want to eat more and just throw in the towel.
3. List some ways that you have allowed fear to control your behaviors in the last week. How can you change your attitude and actions to overcome these fears? I've felt a lot, especially in the past week, that maybe I'll never get to where I want to be. Maybe I'll never become the 'true me' - maybe I'll be fat forever. That's been on my mind a lot recently. This has affected me in the food choices I make, the reasons I eat, as well as my determination to exercise. I feel defeated in almost everything I do without any foundation for feeling this way in the first place. For starters I need to recommit myself to the program. Focusing on strictly adhering to the guidelines will help, as well as rediscovering my love for exercising will also help me get over my fears.
4. Do you see any evidence of "perfect love" in your life? If so, where? If not, how can you begin to use it to help you in your journey? Just as Christ loves me perfectly and despite my flaws, He also wants the best for me. In this way, I know that though He loves me just as I am, He is also walking alongside of me in this journey to see me through to the finish. I need to lean on His perfect love and strength and use it to channel motivation and determination to succeed and overcome my fears and doubts.
1. If you have asked yourself some of the questions referred to in today's lesson, how will you deal with those fears? I will keep pursuing this program, and keep working towards becoming the true me. I don't have to give up or give in - my adherence to the program and it's guidelines will help me achieve all of my goals and reach the end.
2. Have you found a tendency to turn to "eating" when faced with some of these fears? If so, did eating ease your fears? Did it make them worse? Yes, I have felt the tendency to turn to food when I was faced with these fears. In the past, when I turned to food for comfort, it never eased the fears I had, moreover, it increased my fears in that I felt guilty and ashamed for using food for the wrong reasons, and it made me want to eat more and just throw in the towel.
3. List some ways that you have allowed fear to control your behaviors in the last week. How can you change your attitude and actions to overcome these fears? I've felt a lot, especially in the past week, that maybe I'll never get to where I want to be. Maybe I'll never become the 'true me' - maybe I'll be fat forever. That's been on my mind a lot recently. This has affected me in the food choices I make, the reasons I eat, as well as my determination to exercise. I feel defeated in almost everything I do without any foundation for feeling this way in the first place. For starters I need to recommit myself to the program. Focusing on strictly adhering to the guidelines will help, as well as rediscovering my love for exercising will also help me get over my fears.
4. Do you see any evidence of "perfect love" in your life? If so, where? If not, how can you begin to use it to help you in your journey? Just as Christ loves me perfectly and despite my flaws, He also wants the best for me. In this way, I know that though He loves me just as I am, He is also walking alongside of me in this journey to see me through to the finish. I need to lean on His perfect love and strength and use it to channel motivation and determination to succeed and overcome my fears and doubts.
Sunday, April 14, 2013
PWLP: Week Eight - Lesson Three
Personal Evaluation
1. Have you had feeling of depression in the last seven weeks? How did you deal with them? A few weeks ago I felt really depressed about my weight - I felt like, maybe I was going to be fat forever - maybe I'd never lose all this weight I'd accumulated over the years and I'd always be the "fat" girl. I must admit that I got really discouraged and let my attitude affect my life negatively. I didn't put as much effort into working out as I should have, though I maintained my diet and restrictions perfectly. Lately, I've felt a little depressed over the restrictions I have placed on my diet. Mostly, I feel worn out and exhausted with the choices I have to make sometimes, but I still know it's worth it and truck through anyways.
2. Will you be able to deal with depression in positive ways even after you are no longer on the program? I hope so. I don't want to ever fall victim to negative thinking again - especially when it can be so destructive in my life.
3. In what ways do you think you need to improve your ability to deal with times of depression in your life? I think that I need to find more constructive ways to deal with depression in my life, sometimes it's all too easy to sit around and pity yourself instead of getting active and dealing with things. I mean, there is a time to sit back and sulk, but eventually you have to get off your butt and do something about the way you feel. For me, personally, I tend to let myself sit until the very last minute instead of dealing with things head on and confronting my problems. This is something I really need to work on. Additionally, I need to work on having better coping mechanisms, so that food isn't the first thing I think of when I get depressed. Even if I don't act on these feelings, food is still the first thing I think of to comfort me in anxious times.
4. Do you believe you are a lovable, worthwhile and successful person? Why or why not? I believe this partially - so far, I've really proved this statement to be true in my life. But sometimes I feel really discouraged with my progress or don't see the changes I want immediately, and this makes me feel unsuccessful and like the changes I've made aren't as worthwhile as I've made them out to be. I really need to believe this statement though if I'm going to continue to succeed on this program.
1. Have you had feeling of depression in the last seven weeks? How did you deal with them? A few weeks ago I felt really depressed about my weight - I felt like, maybe I was going to be fat forever - maybe I'd never lose all this weight I'd accumulated over the years and I'd always be the "fat" girl. I must admit that I got really discouraged and let my attitude affect my life negatively. I didn't put as much effort into working out as I should have, though I maintained my diet and restrictions perfectly. Lately, I've felt a little depressed over the restrictions I have placed on my diet. Mostly, I feel worn out and exhausted with the choices I have to make sometimes, but I still know it's worth it and truck through anyways.
2. Will you be able to deal with depression in positive ways even after you are no longer on the program? I hope so. I don't want to ever fall victim to negative thinking again - especially when it can be so destructive in my life.
3. In what ways do you think you need to improve your ability to deal with times of depression in your life? I think that I need to find more constructive ways to deal with depression in my life, sometimes it's all too easy to sit around and pity yourself instead of getting active and dealing with things. I mean, there is a time to sit back and sulk, but eventually you have to get off your butt and do something about the way you feel. For me, personally, I tend to let myself sit until the very last minute instead of dealing with things head on and confronting my problems. This is something I really need to work on. Additionally, I need to work on having better coping mechanisms, so that food isn't the first thing I think of when I get depressed. Even if I don't act on these feelings, food is still the first thing I think of to comfort me in anxious times.
4. Do you believe you are a lovable, worthwhile and successful person? Why or why not? I believe this partially - so far, I've really proved this statement to be true in my life. But sometimes I feel really discouraged with my progress or don't see the changes I want immediately, and this makes me feel unsuccessful and like the changes I've made aren't as worthwhile as I've made them out to be. I really need to believe this statement though if I'm going to continue to succeed on this program.
Saturday, April 13, 2013
PWLP: Week Eight - Lesson Two
Personal Evaluation
1. What are some areas of stress or anxiety in your life at this time? Work has been really crazy this year, as well as our efforts to look/shop for buying a house. Additionally, I feel stressed out when my husband is stressed - and since his work schedule has also been crazy, I feel his anxiety transferring to me.
2. Have any of the above situations affected your eating behavior? If so, how? On Friday, I went to the grocery store after work to get some food for supper - I bought certain things with the intention of 'treating myself' after a long, hard week at work. As soon as I got home, however, I realized the error of my ways. I didn't need to be rewarded for making it through a long week with my food, I needed to find another way to reward myself for a job well done - so I watched one of my favorite TV shows instead.
3. What are some alternative activities you will choose to deal with stress and anxiety? Shopping, watching a favorite TV show, exercising, cleaning/doing dishes, painting nails, playing a game, hanging out with husband/family/friends
4. How has your commitment to the program guidelines helped you deal with stress and anxiety over the last seven weeks? How will the changes you are making during your journey help you to deal with stress and anxiety for a lifetime? The program has allowed me to experience my stress and anxiety without the comfort of certain foods which I often abused before in similar situations. It forced me to look for comfort elsewhere than in my food, or in different types of food which wouldn't give me the same numbing effect as sugar and high carbs would. Additionally, these changes that I have been/am making, will help me learn how to properly deal with my stress and anxiety in a way that will be beneficial to my body and well being in the long haul. I will not abuse foods when under stress or anxiety, and will be able to adequately cope with these situations in a healthy manner.
1. What are some areas of stress or anxiety in your life at this time? Work has been really crazy this year, as well as our efforts to look/shop for buying a house. Additionally, I feel stressed out when my husband is stressed - and since his work schedule has also been crazy, I feel his anxiety transferring to me.
2. Have any of the above situations affected your eating behavior? If so, how? On Friday, I went to the grocery store after work to get some food for supper - I bought certain things with the intention of 'treating myself' after a long, hard week at work. As soon as I got home, however, I realized the error of my ways. I didn't need to be rewarded for making it through a long week with my food, I needed to find another way to reward myself for a job well done - so I watched one of my favorite TV shows instead.
3. What are some alternative activities you will choose to deal with stress and anxiety? Shopping, watching a favorite TV show, exercising, cleaning/doing dishes, painting nails, playing a game, hanging out with husband/family/friends
4. How has your commitment to the program guidelines helped you deal with stress and anxiety over the last seven weeks? How will the changes you are making during your journey help you to deal with stress and anxiety for a lifetime? The program has allowed me to experience my stress and anxiety without the comfort of certain foods which I often abused before in similar situations. It forced me to look for comfort elsewhere than in my food, or in different types of food which wouldn't give me the same numbing effect as sugar and high carbs would. Additionally, these changes that I have been/am making, will help me learn how to properly deal with my stress and anxiety in a way that will be beneficial to my body and well being in the long haul. I will not abuse foods when under stress or anxiety, and will be able to adequately cope with these situations in a healthy manner.
Friday, April 12, 2013
PWLP: Week Seven - Lesson Seven
Personal Evaluation
1. The belief that "being hungry is bad" is shared by most overeaters. How do you feel about that statement? Have your eating behaviors been affected by your belief in this statement? Since starting PRISM, I have now become to understand and appreciate hunger. It is not 'bad' but a natural, physical function that occurs to signal the need for food. It isn't a feeling that strikes without warning, with extreme and intense cravings for sugary sweets and high-carbs. I used to think that being hungry was horrible, I'd get "food rage" and lash out at others in times when I needed to eat, but now I see how I can grow and learn from these moments of alleged or real 'hunger.'
2. When you have experienced real physical hunger while on the program, how have you dealt with it? Usually, when I experience physical hunger, I take a reasonable amount of time to weigh out my options - what food(s) will fill me up most? How many calories do I have left to spare today? What would I like to eat later that I must accommodate for now? Should I go for variety or routine? Usually, I try to feed my hunger with foods that I can get/make at home - I don't feed my hunger on the go unless it's unavoidable.
3. When you wait too long to satisfy physical hunger, you have a tendency to eat too fast and in an uncontrolled manner. Describe how you feel when you "gobble down" a meal or eat to the point of being "stuffed." Usually I feel guilty and ashamed. I hate being the first person to finish my meal, and I feel like everyone's looking at me and judging me for scarfing down my food like I haven't eaten in a week. I feel out of control and crazy when I shovel my food into my mouth, instead of refined and patient.
4. What eating behavior is the most important factor for you to change right now? Why? How will you change it? I think I need to change the "eat with "shovel" method" first. This has always been my downfall (in my opinion). I never put my fork down between courses or even bites. I use whatever I can get my hands on to shovel food into my mouth in the fastest and easiest way possible. A way to overcome this is by eating with chopsticks instead of the traditional fork, knife and spoon. Since chopsticks are more complicated to use and eat with, they require more time and attention to eat a meal. I think I will purchase a set (or two) of these to have with me at home and at work, and will eat my meals with the chopsticks instead of traditional utensils.
1. The belief that "being hungry is bad" is shared by most overeaters. How do you feel about that statement? Have your eating behaviors been affected by your belief in this statement? Since starting PRISM, I have now become to understand and appreciate hunger. It is not 'bad' but a natural, physical function that occurs to signal the need for food. It isn't a feeling that strikes without warning, with extreme and intense cravings for sugary sweets and high-carbs. I used to think that being hungry was horrible, I'd get "food rage" and lash out at others in times when I needed to eat, but now I see how I can grow and learn from these moments of alleged or real 'hunger.'
2. When you have experienced real physical hunger while on the program, how have you dealt with it? Usually, when I experience physical hunger, I take a reasonable amount of time to weigh out my options - what food(s) will fill me up most? How many calories do I have left to spare today? What would I like to eat later that I must accommodate for now? Should I go for variety or routine? Usually, I try to feed my hunger with foods that I can get/make at home - I don't feed my hunger on the go unless it's unavoidable.
3. When you wait too long to satisfy physical hunger, you have a tendency to eat too fast and in an uncontrolled manner. Describe how you feel when you "gobble down" a meal or eat to the point of being "stuffed." Usually I feel guilty and ashamed. I hate being the first person to finish my meal, and I feel like everyone's looking at me and judging me for scarfing down my food like I haven't eaten in a week. I feel out of control and crazy when I shovel my food into my mouth, instead of refined and patient.
4. What eating behavior is the most important factor for you to change right now? Why? How will you change it? I think I need to change the "eat with "shovel" method" first. This has always been my downfall (in my opinion). I never put my fork down between courses or even bites. I use whatever I can get my hands on to shovel food into my mouth in the fastest and easiest way possible. A way to overcome this is by eating with chopsticks instead of the traditional fork, knife and spoon. Since chopsticks are more complicated to use and eat with, they require more time and attention to eat a meal. I think I will purchase a set (or two) of these to have with me at home and at work, and will eat my meals with the chopsticks instead of traditional utensils.
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
PWLP: Week Seven - Lesson Six
Personal Evaluation
1. Are others paying more attention to you because of the changes taking place in your outward appearance? In what ways? Yes, they are. I've had clients and coworkers at work notice my weight loss so far - people who barely know me can notice the massive changes my weight loss is having on my figure and appearance. My family and friends are noticing, and telling me how good I look in clothes, etc.
2. How do you feel when someone comments about your appearance? I feel like I glow when people compliment me about my appearance. I feel proud and confident, and motivated to keep going - to get to my right weight. I don't want to be like this forever, and one day I'm going to look back and laugh when I think of where I came from.
3. Are you afraid to be slender? Do you wonder what it will be like? What have you learned today that will help you deal with these fears? No, I am not afraid to be thin. I do wonder what it will be like though... I am excited to shop in the regular sections at stores and buy whatever I want, because I can fit into anything. I look forward to crossing my legs like a lady, and to be able to exercise for 30 minutes straight (cardio) a day, every day of the month. I look forward to not having to contour my face in the morning, because I'll have a thin and slender face. I look forward to people not recognizing me.
1. Are others paying more attention to you because of the changes taking place in your outward appearance? In what ways? Yes, they are. I've had clients and coworkers at work notice my weight loss so far - people who barely know me can notice the massive changes my weight loss is having on my figure and appearance. My family and friends are noticing, and telling me how good I look in clothes, etc.
2. How do you feel when someone comments about your appearance? I feel like I glow when people compliment me about my appearance. I feel proud and confident, and motivated to keep going - to get to my right weight. I don't want to be like this forever, and one day I'm going to look back and laugh when I think of where I came from.
3. Are you afraid to be slender? Do you wonder what it will be like? What have you learned today that will help you deal with these fears? No, I am not afraid to be thin. I do wonder what it will be like though... I am excited to shop in the regular sections at stores and buy whatever I want, because I can fit into anything. I look forward to crossing my legs like a lady, and to be able to exercise for 30 minutes straight (cardio) a day, every day of the month. I look forward to not having to contour my face in the morning, because I'll have a thin and slender face. I look forward to people not recognizing me.
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
PWLP: Week Seven - Lesson Five
Personal Evaluation
1. Write about a time when you experience great emotional pain because of your weight. One time, in Grade 5 or 6, I wore a pair of black shorts to school one day. That day, I remember sitting at my desk and busying myself, when one of my classmates came up to me. She was a big girl, in many ways she was a lot larger in size than I, but I remember her coming up to me and looking me up and down. She told me that I wasn't allowed to wear shorts to school and that my legs looked fat in them anyways. With that, she laughed and walked away. I remember tears streaming down my face as I ran out of my classroom and down the hallway to the office. My heart was breaking.
2. In what ways has this experience motivated you to stay on this program? I've always wanted to overcome that experience. I don't want to be the "fat" girl anymore. I want to be healthier and lovelier than that girl could ever be. I want my legs to look amazing in shorts - I never want someone my size, if not bigger, to walk by me and make such a nasty remark. I want to motivate my own children to be healthy and fit, and to overcome their challenges and obstacles, just like their mom.
3. What additional steps do you need to take to continue the process of your emotional healing? I need to make exercise a bigger part of my life. It's still not a habitual response, and although I'd like to do it every day, I definitely don't do it as often or as much as I want to. Additionally, I need to branch out in my eating - I need to be trying new foods and eating more fruits and veggies a day.
1. Write about a time when you experience great emotional pain because of your weight. One time, in Grade 5 or 6, I wore a pair of black shorts to school one day. That day, I remember sitting at my desk and busying myself, when one of my classmates came up to me. She was a big girl, in many ways she was a lot larger in size than I, but I remember her coming up to me and looking me up and down. She told me that I wasn't allowed to wear shorts to school and that my legs looked fat in them anyways. With that, she laughed and walked away. I remember tears streaming down my face as I ran out of my classroom and down the hallway to the office. My heart was breaking.
2. In what ways has this experience motivated you to stay on this program? I've always wanted to overcome that experience. I don't want to be the "fat" girl anymore. I want to be healthier and lovelier than that girl could ever be. I want my legs to look amazing in shorts - I never want someone my size, if not bigger, to walk by me and make such a nasty remark. I want to motivate my own children to be healthy and fit, and to overcome their challenges and obstacles, just like their mom.
3. What additional steps do you need to take to continue the process of your emotional healing? I need to make exercise a bigger part of my life. It's still not a habitual response, and although I'd like to do it every day, I definitely don't do it as often or as much as I want to. Additionally, I need to branch out in my eating - I need to be trying new foods and eating more fruits and veggies a day.
PWLP: Week Seven - Lesson Four
Personal Evaluation
1. List at least five "health" foods you now appreciate that you never considered "really good" in the past. I love chickpeas, natural peanut butter, salsa, brown rice, and apples.
2. In what ways, other than the number of calories, are you becoming more aware of the content of food products? I'm becoming aware of how foods make me feel, and how much of a certain food will last me for a certain amount of time. I am becoming more aware of how much sodium content different foods have, as well.
3. How does it make you feel to take a new, different look at your "old favorites" (pizza, etc.)? It makes me feel empowered, and sometimes sad. I miss being able to eat my old favorites whenever I wanted and however much I wanted, but at the same time, I feel free from the chains of the crappy food I used to be a slave to.
4. Is your attitude toward rich desserts and unhealthy fatty foods changing? If so, how? If not, why? Does it help to think of what hydrogenated fat is really like (lard, grease, etc.)? Yes, it is. For Easter, I actually craved fruit as my dessert. And lately, I crave fruits for dessert, as opposed to thinking about rich, sugary desserts. In general, my whole perception of food is changing.
5. If you "rewarded yourself" with rich desserts or unhealthy fatty foods before you began this program, how are some ways you are "rewarding yourself" now? I don't really "reward" my good behavior now, I reward my successes. I reward my successes by shopping, or watching Days of Our Lives, or going on dates with my husband. I reward myself with extra exercise and going up an extra flight of stairs.
6. What do your responses to question five say about the transformation taking place within you? It says that I'm growing and developing and changing - I could never imagine myself being here, with changing my eating habits and sticking to this program for such a long time. Additionally, I reward myself with things that don't make me fat or binge - and that's huge for my success and journey.
1. List at least five "health" foods you now appreciate that you never considered "really good" in the past. I love chickpeas, natural peanut butter, salsa, brown rice, and apples.
2. In what ways, other than the number of calories, are you becoming more aware of the content of food products? I'm becoming aware of how foods make me feel, and how much of a certain food will last me for a certain amount of time. I am becoming more aware of how much sodium content different foods have, as well.
3. How does it make you feel to take a new, different look at your "old favorites" (pizza, etc.)? It makes me feel empowered, and sometimes sad. I miss being able to eat my old favorites whenever I wanted and however much I wanted, but at the same time, I feel free from the chains of the crappy food I used to be a slave to.
4. Is your attitude toward rich desserts and unhealthy fatty foods changing? If so, how? If not, why? Does it help to think of what hydrogenated fat is really like (lard, grease, etc.)? Yes, it is. For Easter, I actually craved fruit as my dessert. And lately, I crave fruits for dessert, as opposed to thinking about rich, sugary desserts. In general, my whole perception of food is changing.
5. If you "rewarded yourself" with rich desserts or unhealthy fatty foods before you began this program, how are some ways you are "rewarding yourself" now? I don't really "reward" my good behavior now, I reward my successes. I reward my successes by shopping, or watching Days of Our Lives, or going on dates with my husband. I reward myself with extra exercise and going up an extra flight of stairs.
6. What do your responses to question five say about the transformation taking place within you? It says that I'm growing and developing and changing - I could never imagine myself being here, with changing my eating habits and sticking to this program for such a long time. Additionally, I reward myself with things that don't make me fat or binge - and that's huge for my success and journey.
Saturday, April 6, 2013
PWLP: Week Seven - Lesson Three
Personal Evaluation
1. When are you most tempted to overeat? It could be a certain time of day, a specific event or emotion. I am most tempted to overeat at family gatherings, and when I'm bored. When I get together with my immediate family or my in-laws, I always feel the temptation to eat more than I need or want.
2. Describe the specific elements of your answer to question one which cause you to be tempted. I feel overwhelmed with the unspoken pressure and habit to eat without thinking. I want to eat all foods that are bad for me, and make me feel awful. I feel a certain pressure by some people to eat things that are on my "forbidden" list. Additionally, I feel the temptation to eat when I get bored - everything seems more interesting and delicious when I have nothing else to think about but food - especially the food sitting in front of me.
3. How can you change your attitude toward these elements and avoid temptation? Can the P.R.A.Y concept help? How? I think that the A and Y principles of the PRAY concept are the most useful to avoiding temptation. I need to know that I have the power to overcome temptation and I am responsible for the choices I do make. I am not helpless in this. Those to me, are the most important points of all.
1. When are you most tempted to overeat? It could be a certain time of day, a specific event or emotion. I am most tempted to overeat at family gatherings, and when I'm bored. When I get together with my immediate family or my in-laws, I always feel the temptation to eat more than I need or want.
2. Describe the specific elements of your answer to question one which cause you to be tempted. I feel overwhelmed with the unspoken pressure and habit to eat without thinking. I want to eat all foods that are bad for me, and make me feel awful. I feel a certain pressure by some people to eat things that are on my "forbidden" list. Additionally, I feel the temptation to eat when I get bored - everything seems more interesting and delicious when I have nothing else to think about but food - especially the food sitting in front of me.
3. How can you change your attitude toward these elements and avoid temptation? Can the P.R.A.Y concept help? How? I think that the A and Y principles of the PRAY concept are the most useful to avoiding temptation. I need to know that I have the power to overcome temptation and I am responsible for the choices I do make. I am not helpless in this. Those to me, are the most important points of all.
PWLP: Week Seven - Lesson Two
Personal Evaluation
1. What is the most common statement you make about yourself that reinforces negative behavior? I tell others (and myself) that I am a "food addict" a lot.
2. Is the above statement about you true? If so, how can it be restated more positively? In this way, I'm reinforcing the fear and feeling of abnormality that surround this statement, as opposed to being a recovering victim of the circumstances.
3. What are some things in your life that you enjoy more than eating? Watching Days of Our Lives, going to movies, shopping, hanging out with family and friends
4. Did any of these things suffer in the past because you gave a higher priority to the "activity of eating?" How does that make you feel? No, the things I love doing I loved because the activity of eating didn't affect them, or because they didn't make me feel bad about myself because my weight wasn't as much of an issue in doing them. There are other things I know I'd love to do, but was kept from doing them because of my physical limitations or my health issues. Now, as I weigh less and progress in my journey, I know that I will be able to physically and emotionally be able to do them, because weight and health are becoming less and less of an issue for me.
1. What is the most common statement you make about yourself that reinforces negative behavior? I tell others (and myself) that I am a "food addict" a lot.
2. Is the above statement about you true? If so, how can it be restated more positively? In this way, I'm reinforcing the fear and feeling of abnormality that surround this statement, as opposed to being a recovering victim of the circumstances.
3. What are some things in your life that you enjoy more than eating? Watching Days of Our Lives, going to movies, shopping, hanging out with family and friends
4. Did any of these things suffer in the past because you gave a higher priority to the "activity of eating?" How does that make you feel? No, the things I love doing I loved because the activity of eating didn't affect them, or because they didn't make me feel bad about myself because my weight wasn't as much of an issue in doing them. There are other things I know I'd love to do, but was kept from doing them because of my physical limitations or my health issues. Now, as I weigh less and progress in my journey, I know that I will be able to physically and emotionally be able to do them, because weight and health are becoming less and less of an issue for me.
PWLP: Week Seven - Lesson One
Personal Evaluation
1. Which of the program guidelines have been the most difficult for you to follow? Probably reading my PRISM lessons daily. I have not done them everyday as I should have, but have doubled-up on some days when I missed the day before.
2. What do the above answers tell you about yourself, your eating behaviors and attitudes? I'm not really 100% sure what this tells me. Maybe that I'm not as committed as I should be to making the emotional changes - but that I definitely do need to take it more seriously if I'm to make these changes last.
3. Are you beginning to understand that if you do not change your negative eating behaviors, attitudes and actions you will not complete your journey to the TRUE YOU? Yes, I do understand this.
4. Do you find yourself rebellious or resistant to some of the guidelines to the program? Why? I find myself somewhat rebellious to the guideline that you must eat no more than 1200 calories a day. The only reason this is difficult for me to follow without inhibition is because 1200 calories a day is the absolute LEAST one should be eating per day, so I struggle to hit exactly 1200 calories per day, and go over a little bit every evening.
1. Which of the program guidelines have been the most difficult for you to follow? Probably reading my PRISM lessons daily. I have not done them everyday as I should have, but have doubled-up on some days when I missed the day before.
2. What do the above answers tell you about yourself, your eating behaviors and attitudes? I'm not really 100% sure what this tells me. Maybe that I'm not as committed as I should be to making the emotional changes - but that I definitely do need to take it more seriously if I'm to make these changes last.
3. Are you beginning to understand that if you do not change your negative eating behaviors, attitudes and actions you will not complete your journey to the TRUE YOU? Yes, I do understand this.
4. Do you find yourself rebellious or resistant to some of the guidelines to the program? Why? I find myself somewhat rebellious to the guideline that you must eat no more than 1200 calories a day. The only reason this is difficult for me to follow without inhibition is because 1200 calories a day is the absolute LEAST one should be eating per day, so I struggle to hit exactly 1200 calories per day, and go over a little bit every evening.
Thursday, April 4, 2013
PWLP: Week Six - Lesson Seven
Personal Evaluation
1. How do you feel about yourself right now? I feel pretty good about myself at the moment - I'm feeling healthier and stronger than I was before. I feel more beautiful than I did before, and I feel encouraged that I will be able to succeed in my future endeavors.
2. What kinds of positive feelings are new to you? How are they evident in your daily life? It's new for me to feel full and not hungry all the time. It's new for me to crave fruits and veggies, but not sugar and bread. I am feeling full of life and pretty - I haven't felt like this in a while...
3. What has happened the past six weeks that has pleased you the most? My belt going from the first notch to the last notch has been a really exciting development for me. My clothes in general getting looser and fitting better. Buying an XXL jacket in the 'regular' section at WalMart and being able to wear it.
4. What are some changes you are looking forward to in the next six weeks? I'm looking forward to losing more weight and inches - but I'm really excited for the day when I lift my up my shirt and my stomach is flatter and not protruding out like it is right now. I'm looking forward to my endurance going up, and to exercising (cardio) every day of the month. I'm excited when I look for clothes with tags smaller than XXL and 20.
5. What is the most exciting thing that has happened to you as a result of your weight loss? Probably my belt getting tighter - that's been a real achievement for me. I've also thought that the oodles of compliments I've been getting have been very exciting. It's also been astounding to me that I've gone 6 weeks without sugar crossing my lips.
6. Take a few minutes and re-read the Introduction section and Program Guidelines. Write down the areas in which you need to make a firmer commitment for the next six weeks. I need to work on making sure I do my lessons every day - I've been pretty good about it, but I could definitely be better. I also need to try looking at my TRUE YOU picture more every day - I used to look at it 2+ times a day, but now I'm lucky if I look at it once every two days...
1. How do you feel about yourself right now? I feel pretty good about myself at the moment - I'm feeling healthier and stronger than I was before. I feel more beautiful than I did before, and I feel encouraged that I will be able to succeed in my future endeavors.
2. What kinds of positive feelings are new to you? How are they evident in your daily life? It's new for me to feel full and not hungry all the time. It's new for me to crave fruits and veggies, but not sugar and bread. I am feeling full of life and pretty - I haven't felt like this in a while...
3. What has happened the past six weeks that has pleased you the most? My belt going from the first notch to the last notch has been a really exciting development for me. My clothes in general getting looser and fitting better. Buying an XXL jacket in the 'regular' section at WalMart and being able to wear it.
4. What are some changes you are looking forward to in the next six weeks? I'm looking forward to losing more weight and inches - but I'm really excited for the day when I lift my up my shirt and my stomach is flatter and not protruding out like it is right now. I'm looking forward to my endurance going up, and to exercising (cardio) every day of the month. I'm excited when I look for clothes with tags smaller than XXL and 20.
5. What is the most exciting thing that has happened to you as a result of your weight loss? Probably my belt getting tighter - that's been a real achievement for me. I've also thought that the oodles of compliments I've been getting have been very exciting. It's also been astounding to me that I've gone 6 weeks without sugar crossing my lips.
6. Take a few minutes and re-read the Introduction section and Program Guidelines. Write down the areas in which you need to make a firmer commitment for the next six weeks. I need to work on making sure I do my lessons every day - I've been pretty good about it, but I could definitely be better. I also need to try looking at my TRUE YOU picture more every day - I used to look at it 2+ times a day, but now I'm lucky if I look at it once every two days...
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
PWLP: Week Six - Lesson Six
Personal Evaluation
1. How many clothing sizes do you think you still need to lose? Several. I am not sure what size I "should" be, but I think I still have at least 3 or 4 to go...
2. Does your answer to question one correspond to your TRUE YOU picture? I think so - I am not really great at looking at someone and guessing their size but I would say my picture is at most a size 10
3. Which is a better measurement of your size, the scale or your clothes? Both, in my opinion. The scale gives you a 'health risk' assessment sort of. It tells you if you are progressing the way you want to. I think the scale can be abused though, so it's important to use it as a guide but not as a crutch. My clothes are an excellent indicator however, and much more forgiving and encouraging than the scale.
4. If you choose to weigh today, how difficult will it be for you to stay off the scale for the next few weeks? I think I will be okay. I have mentally prepared myself for the end of phase 1 when I get to weigh in, so I think I will be able to understand that it's a one time thing to give me a numerical update on my progress and then I will wait until the end of phase 2 to weigh again :)
1. How many clothing sizes do you think you still need to lose? Several. I am not sure what size I "should" be, but I think I still have at least 3 or 4 to go...
2. Does your answer to question one correspond to your TRUE YOU picture? I think so - I am not really great at looking at someone and guessing their size but I would say my picture is at most a size 10
3. Which is a better measurement of your size, the scale or your clothes? Both, in my opinion. The scale gives you a 'health risk' assessment sort of. It tells you if you are progressing the way you want to. I think the scale can be abused though, so it's important to use it as a guide but not as a crutch. My clothes are an excellent indicator however, and much more forgiving and encouraging than the scale.
4. If you choose to weigh today, how difficult will it be for you to stay off the scale for the next few weeks? I think I will be okay. I have mentally prepared myself for the end of phase 1 when I get to weigh in, so I think I will be able to understand that it's a one time thing to give me a numerical update on my progress and then I will wait until the end of phase 2 to weigh again :)
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
PWLP: Week Six - Lesson Five
Personal Evaluation
1. Have you experienced a void in your life through the loss of something or someone important? Describe how you felt. I felt really alone, like no one understood what I was going through. I felt hurt and angry, and a lot of self-pity.
2. What aer some ways you have dealt with this void? By remembering the good things - through my own memories, as well as things like songs, or items that trigger fond memories for me. Sometimes I gorged myself on foods that reminded me of what I had lost, and felt comforted by this action.
3. In what ways can you relate to the statement describing fat as a "wall of protection"? I understand the context it's used in in the lesson, but I can't say that I personally relate to it, or at least, not that I can think of.
4. Have you found it difficult to accept physical affection from others? Yes. Especially with my husband - I mostly pushed him away because I felt uncomfortable with myself. I didn't like feeling his arms around my squishy fat, and I didn't want him noticing how large I was and getting disgusted with me.
5. Name two people whom you would like to spend more time. Make a plan for how to do that this week. My sister, Stephanie, and my husband, Josh. I can try to schedule some sort of sister-get-together with Stephanie, maybe for next weekend? I've already expressed to her that I want to go on a "new belt buying date" as well as a day where we reward ourselves for our hard work and commitment to the program thus far. Maybe in buying Pandora/Persona charm bracelets, and we can celebrate big milestones with a charm or something... With Josh, I need to express to him that I miss his company and make a good effort to try to do things with him - without whining, or bursting into tears, or guilting him into it. I need to be a willing and active party in this, as well as being the pursuer, instead of always wanting him to chase after me.
1. Have you experienced a void in your life through the loss of something or someone important? Describe how you felt. I felt really alone, like no one understood what I was going through. I felt hurt and angry, and a lot of self-pity.
2. What aer some ways you have dealt with this void? By remembering the good things - through my own memories, as well as things like songs, or items that trigger fond memories for me. Sometimes I gorged myself on foods that reminded me of what I had lost, and felt comforted by this action.
3. In what ways can you relate to the statement describing fat as a "wall of protection"? I understand the context it's used in in the lesson, but I can't say that I personally relate to it, or at least, not that I can think of.
4. Have you found it difficult to accept physical affection from others? Yes. Especially with my husband - I mostly pushed him away because I felt uncomfortable with myself. I didn't like feeling his arms around my squishy fat, and I didn't want him noticing how large I was and getting disgusted with me.
5. Name two people whom you would like to spend more time. Make a plan for how to do that this week. My sister, Stephanie, and my husband, Josh. I can try to schedule some sort of sister-get-together with Stephanie, maybe for next weekend? I've already expressed to her that I want to go on a "new belt buying date" as well as a day where we reward ourselves for our hard work and commitment to the program thus far. Maybe in buying Pandora/Persona charm bracelets, and we can celebrate big milestones with a charm or something... With Josh, I need to express to him that I miss his company and make a good effort to try to do things with him - without whining, or bursting into tears, or guilting him into it. I need to be a willing and active party in this, as well as being the pursuer, instead of always wanting him to chase after me.
Monday, April 1, 2013
Daily Diary: April 1, 2013
Another month has come and gone, and I find myself at the verge of the end of Phase 1! Where did time go!? It seems like just yesterday I started PRISM, and now here I am at the end of my first 6 weeks!
Friday is weigh-in day, and I'm super excited and yet completely apprehensive about it. I know I've lost several inches around my hips, and likely around my waist and thighs as well, but I want to know where I'm at on the scale. I'm worried because in my head I'm thinking, "Wouldn't it be amazing if I stepped on the scale and I was like 240 lbs, or even in the 230s!?!?!" And the thing is, I might only be 4 lbs down (at a rate of 1 lb/week), which would still leave me at 256 lbs. I don't want to set myself up for disappointment, but I'm getting really excited to see where I'm at and set new goals for the future.
My clothes are fitting a lot looser - especially my pants around the hips. My belt is now consistently staying on the 7th notch, but I noticed that even that was getting too loose for where I needed it to be. I see a new belt in my future!! Additionally, I tried on some dresses in my closet that fit WAY better than they ever did when I first bought them. I tried on that piece of lingerie that Andrea and Kristen bought me for my bachelorette party, the one that I was never able to fit into, and LO! It actually semi-fits now!! I could stand to lose a few more pounds, but I'm incredibly proud of my progress thus far.
On a separate note, I found out that I exercised 24/31 days in March, which comes out to about 77%. I'm not disappointed, but I do see some areas I could improve upon. First off, I think that 3 of the days I exercised were only pilates. Granted, I did hurt my ankle and needed to find another outlet to utilize when I couldn't do cardio, but ideally, I want to mainly focus on cardio. That being said, I want to be exercising 30/31 days of the month. I understand a day or two off here or there, but honestly, at most I'd like to allot for 4-5 days of allowed absences in a month. Even if it's just 5 minutes on the elliptical, I want to be exercising EVERY DAY.
I'm a little bummed out today because we ran out of groceries and we don't have time to go get new ones. So Josh said he'd go out tomorrow morning and get groceries for me. I feel super bad letting him do that, but I do need some things to cook here. Besides, I'm all out of bananas and apples and those are like... staples in my diet at the moment. The whole 'not-having-groceries' thing was a huge sore spot for me today, so I was a huge grumpsicle when we got home from work. Feeling better now, but still...
I'm a little disappointed in my willingness to use the 'Quick Add' section of MFP to add calories for things I don't know, or using random items to put in caloric values for foods I eat. I really want to be as accurate as possible, and I can't do that when I'm guessing what I'm eating or guessing how many calories that 1/2 stick of pepperoni actually is. It also doesn't give me a very accurate picture of what my other nutritional values (protein, sodium, etc.) were for the day.
This weekend I got A TON of compliments from family and friends regarding how I'm looking, and I must say it's really a boost for my self-esteem. I feel really encouraged and happy that other people are noticing all my hard work. It's excellent!
So ya, that's my life at the moment. I have a couple of people to email back and I need to get my bum on the elliptical for some working out :) Woo hoo!
Friday is weigh-in day, and I'm super excited and yet completely apprehensive about it. I know I've lost several inches around my hips, and likely around my waist and thighs as well, but I want to know where I'm at on the scale. I'm worried because in my head I'm thinking, "Wouldn't it be amazing if I stepped on the scale and I was like 240 lbs, or even in the 230s!?!?!" And the thing is, I might only be 4 lbs down (at a rate of 1 lb/week), which would still leave me at 256 lbs. I don't want to set myself up for disappointment, but I'm getting really excited to see where I'm at and set new goals for the future.
My clothes are fitting a lot looser - especially my pants around the hips. My belt is now consistently staying on the 7th notch, but I noticed that even that was getting too loose for where I needed it to be. I see a new belt in my future!! Additionally, I tried on some dresses in my closet that fit WAY better than they ever did when I first bought them. I tried on that piece of lingerie that Andrea and Kristen bought me for my bachelorette party, the one that I was never able to fit into, and LO! It actually semi-fits now!! I could stand to lose a few more pounds, but I'm incredibly proud of my progress thus far.
On a separate note, I found out that I exercised 24/31 days in March, which comes out to about 77%. I'm not disappointed, but I do see some areas I could improve upon. First off, I think that 3 of the days I exercised were only pilates. Granted, I did hurt my ankle and needed to find another outlet to utilize when I couldn't do cardio, but ideally, I want to mainly focus on cardio. That being said, I want to be exercising 30/31 days of the month. I understand a day or two off here or there, but honestly, at most I'd like to allot for 4-5 days of allowed absences in a month. Even if it's just 5 minutes on the elliptical, I want to be exercising EVERY DAY.
I'm a little bummed out today because we ran out of groceries and we don't have time to go get new ones. So Josh said he'd go out tomorrow morning and get groceries for me. I feel super bad letting him do that, but I do need some things to cook here. Besides, I'm all out of bananas and apples and those are like... staples in my diet at the moment. The whole 'not-having-groceries' thing was a huge sore spot for me today, so I was a huge grumpsicle when we got home from work. Feeling better now, but still...
I'm a little disappointed in my willingness to use the 'Quick Add' section of MFP to add calories for things I don't know, or using random items to put in caloric values for foods I eat. I really want to be as accurate as possible, and I can't do that when I'm guessing what I'm eating or guessing how many calories that 1/2 stick of pepperoni actually is. It also doesn't give me a very accurate picture of what my other nutritional values (protein, sodium, etc.) were for the day.
This weekend I got A TON of compliments from family and friends regarding how I'm looking, and I must say it's really a boost for my self-esteem. I feel really encouraged and happy that other people are noticing all my hard work. It's excellent!
So ya, that's my life at the moment. I have a couple of people to email back and I need to get my bum on the elliptical for some working out :) Woo hoo!
PWLP: Week Six - Lesson Four
Personal Evaluation
1. In what ways is your current way of eating healthy? Did you always describe healthy eating in these ways? If not, how is your current description different from the past? I eat a lot more fruits and vegetables than I ever did before starting PRISM, and I drink a lot of water every day. I try to create a reasonable balance between eating whole grains, vegetables/fruits, and protein every meal. I don't really buy pre-packaged or canned foods anymore, and I most certainly don't eat any 'junk food.' My caloric intake is significantly lower than it was before I started, but it's a respectable amount for me - as I'm not hungry or starving. Before, I thought healthy eating was all about portion control. Oh, I figured I could eat whatever I wanted, so long as I had it in respectable quantities. I was picky and didn't eat enough vegetables on a regular basis, plus I ate a lot of pasta and sugary foods.
2. How do you feel today when you hear the plea "Aren't you hungry?" Sometimes I feel angry, because I don't like people judging me based on what they think is a good amount of food for me. I don't need other people's opinions to make these changes, and look at how far I came without them in the first place. If I wanted other people's opinions I would've asked... Other times I feel frustrated and defeated, because people don't get it. Your body doesn't need as much food to function properly, so extra food is just weighing me and my progress down...
3. What things about your response to question two would you like to see change? I would love for other people to be a bit more supportive and understanding. I'd love for people to offer more clean and whole food alternatives for those people who are trying to maintain healthy lifestyles. I would like for other people to ask me questions about my lifestyle if they're interested, but to keep their opinions to themselves, especially when they can come across as blunt and judgmental.
4. What KEY PRINCIPLES and guidelines are helping you make those changes? N/A
1. In what ways is your current way of eating healthy? Did you always describe healthy eating in these ways? If not, how is your current description different from the past? I eat a lot more fruits and vegetables than I ever did before starting PRISM, and I drink a lot of water every day. I try to create a reasonable balance between eating whole grains, vegetables/fruits, and protein every meal. I don't really buy pre-packaged or canned foods anymore, and I most certainly don't eat any 'junk food.' My caloric intake is significantly lower than it was before I started, but it's a respectable amount for me - as I'm not hungry or starving. Before, I thought healthy eating was all about portion control. Oh, I figured I could eat whatever I wanted, so long as I had it in respectable quantities. I was picky and didn't eat enough vegetables on a regular basis, plus I ate a lot of pasta and sugary foods.
2. How do you feel today when you hear the plea "Aren't you hungry?" Sometimes I feel angry, because I don't like people judging me based on what they think is a good amount of food for me. I don't need other people's opinions to make these changes, and look at how far I came without them in the first place. If I wanted other people's opinions I would've asked... Other times I feel frustrated and defeated, because people don't get it. Your body doesn't need as much food to function properly, so extra food is just weighing me and my progress down...
3. What things about your response to question two would you like to see change? I would love for other people to be a bit more supportive and understanding. I'd love for people to offer more clean and whole food alternatives for those people who are trying to maintain healthy lifestyles. I would like for other people to ask me questions about my lifestyle if they're interested, but to keep their opinions to themselves, especially when they can come across as blunt and judgmental.
4. What KEY PRINCIPLES and guidelines are helping you make those changes? N/A
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