PWLP: Week Ten - Lesson Two

Personal Evaluation

1. Which social occasions in the last ten weeks stand out in your memory?   Easter dinner 2013 at the Ulmers was an incredibly difficult social gathering for me. As well as my sister's 20th birthday party at my parents' house. I also remember the Grapefruit baseball tournament this weekend, as well as Easter dinner 2013 at my Auntie Trish's house. The last two events were moments of pride for me as I exhibited my new and transforming body.

2. In addition to the fun or excitement, were you looking forward to these occasions because you had lost weight?    Yes, I was. It's a super exciting time to see people I haven't seen in a while, and take in their reactions to my changing self.

3. Before the events, were you concerned about what you would eat? What were your greatest fears?    I wouldn't say that I was 'worried' about what I would eat - but I am apprehensive and cautious. I make sure to bring extra 'snacks' for myself, in case there are other foods/desserts that I won't be permitted to eat. I always worry about people being overly apologetic because I can't eat the foods they prepare - I don't like to cause a scene and be the center of attention because of the lifestyle change I'm making. I want people to respect my need for different foods, and to let me handle preparing and bringing them for myself. I don't want to burden others.

4. Did you anticipate questions from others regarding your obvious weight loss? In what ways were you apprehensive? In what ways were you excited?    Yes, I always anticipate questions about my weight loss now - I almost feel disappointed when people don't ask or notice. I am always apprehensive when I have to describe the guidelines of the program I'm using - because most people aren't very receptive to the restrictions that I follow on a daily basis. In other ways, I'm so excited to share my success and this program with anyone who is willing to listen. I think it's incredibly beneficial for anyone who needs to get in shape or take their health into their own hands.

5. Did you feel pressure about your eating choices other than from your own desires? From whom or where did it come?    I always feel an unspoken pressure, especially at birthday parties or family gatherings. It's just natural/normal to get together and binge eat. The unspoken pressure of the past and traditions weighs heavily on me, and I'm often thankful for my husband's help in avoiding compromising situations.

6. Were you tempted to go ahead and eat just to appear "normal"? How did that make you feel?    I did this today - and it made me feel terrible, physically and mentally. I overate wayyyyy too much guacamole and chips, and I felt like crap afterwards. I don't know if I can be trusted with that at the moment, because I just abuse it. I don't consciously do this to feel/appear 'normal,' but I know subconsciously that's part of the reason why I do it.

7. What do you think motivates others to question your food choices? Why do you think others "push" food at you?    I think others question my food choices because they are curious and inquisitive as to how the program works and how it's working for me. I think that everyone's curious to know if they could do it too and what they could gain from undertaking such a program. Additionally, I think that some people push food at me because they're jealous of my success, or because they want to see how strong my resolve is to remain on the program.

8. How does understanding this motivation better prepare you to respond to them in a loving manner rather than being resentful?    It allows me to see them as people who are struggling as well. They need my love and patience, just as I need love and patience as I'm going through the program. Even if someone doesn't appear to be struggling with weight/health (in my mind), they can be struggling immensely and my success could be motivating someone to make a change or consider an alternative way of life.